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I'm almost 17, I plan running away

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  • I'm almost 17, I plan running away

    Now I know that as a teenager we tend to blow things out of proportion, but I feel like I'm sinking.
    I'm one of six kids in my family, and the oldest. My brother and I are biological but the other four children are adopted. The ages are 16, 15, 14, 11, 5, and 5.
    Lately it seems that my mother is getting out of control. My sister (14) pulls out her hair every day and was diagnosed with OCD. My 11 year old brother is twitchy and crys at least 5 times a day. My brother has high functioning autism and can only read at a 2nd grade level although he is in highschool. (We are all homeschooled) My mother also took me into the psychiatrist and they say I have general anxiety.

    Lately I feel as if my mother has become very controlling and manipulative. For example, our family just joined a new charter school and my mother forced me to go to all of the events. Because I was at all of the events they student council asked me to be their activities coordinator. I told my mom because the head lady in charge of high schoolers said she was going to call my mom and talk to her about it. My parents forced me to join the council even though my anxiety means making a simple phone call gives me a panic attack.

    Now the council is throwing a costume party and my mom says she is going to help me make it. She tells me she doesn't want to wait until the last minute. I keep reminding them to take me to the store and they procrastinate because my father is a public school teacher and is often busy. Today is the day of the party and we are almost done with the costume. My mom seems really upset so I ask her what is wrong. She says " I'm just upset because I told you not to procrastinate and now I have to put the toddlers in the car and drive you all the way to target. "I say I could bike there and get the supplies I need with my own money. She yells at me and says she is allowed to be irratated at me and I am being b****y toward her. Then, five minutes later she yells at me again for having a "sad face."

    The thing is, she is also I really nice mom but in a lot of pain from the arthritis in her spine from a car accident in her teen years. This means that she sits in a chair all day and only gets up to go to the bathroom or reprimand the children. She says she is working on her book (she is an author) but I see her on pintrest for 80 percent of the day.

    She is nice though and gives me hugs, helps me with homework, and things like that. But I often try to distance myself from her so I won't be sad. When she notices she gets mad at me and says I take up most of her time and don't deserve to feel sad. I mean, she gets me Christmas presents and stuff so sometimes I think I'm going insane and making it up.

    Anyway, whenever she sends me upstairs I plan on running away. Things like states which allow 17 year olds to get an apartment, what job I would get, how I would work towards my degree in computer science. I'm really good at math, so I did some simple calculations and know I could live on my own if I fled the state and got a job.

    What should I do? Please don't say talk to them calmly because I have tried for two years. My mom starts crying and my dad blames me for her cryings. They say I make them cry every day but I get strait A s and have never had so much as a demerit.

    Oh, I'm in California.

  • #2
    17, thinking of running away

    We are glad you reached out to us at NRS. It sounds like you have a lot going on with your family, school and the student council. You mentioned that you feel like you are sinking. Can you tell us more what that feels like? If you are ever feeling overwelmed and need someone to speak to, NRS liners are available 24-7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY. NRS liners can listen, help you brainstorm options, and find resources to help you. You mentioned that making phone calls can cause you anxiety - NRS also has chat available daily from 4:30-10:00 central time.

    It sounds like there are ups and downs in your relationship with your mom. Sometimes you get along well and she is nice to you, then other times you don't get along well. It is great that you have tried to speak to her calmly about your issues, and sometimes its just catching your parents at the right time when they are in the right mood and you are able to get through to them.

    You mentioned living on your own, possibly in another state. At 17, you are still a minor and your parents could file a runaway report. It is also challenging to find a job without a high school diploma and to afford to live on your own. It sounds like you are very bright and successful in school. Have you thought about your plans after high school graduation?

    California has great resources, including the Teen Line. It is specifically for teens, like you. You can learn more about their services at http://teenlineonline.org/talk-now/. If you let NRS know what city in California you live in, we can also look for specific resources in your area.

    We are here 24/7 - either in this medium, via chat or on the phone lines. We are here to support you.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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    • #3
      Sometimes I feel like the more I struggle to make things right, the more I fail. My mom's side of the family struggles with depression so I'm going to talk to my mom and ask if I can see a therapist to help with my emotional struggle. Maybe I am struggling with chronic depression like my uncle and grandma. Running away seems like such a silly answer to a problem that I might have been born with. I'm going to graduate highschool at 17 and then spend two years at a community college. Then I'm hoping to get my bachelors in computer science and work for IT or something similar.
      It was great being able to share my problems anonymously, it definitely put things in perspective. Thank you!

      Comment


      • #4
        RE: I'm almost 17, I plan on running away

        Hello again,

        We are glad you feel comfortable talking with us. It sounds like you have a pretty good plan what to do next! Sometimes it can help to use an anonymous third party as a soundboard. It sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you. We are always here for you if you need to vent or are thinking about running away again. We can be reached at any time at 1-800-RUNAWAY or by live chat at www.1800runaway.org from 4:30pm-11:30pm Central Standard Time. We hope to hear from you soon and wish you the best of luck.

        -NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

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