I HAVE TO GET AWAY!

[Guest]

I am sick of being trodden on like a piece of dirt. my whole family hates me with the possible exception of my sister (. my parent's both used to physically abuse me, and they still abuse me emotionally. I am 18 now, but I have no job (because of my parents), no money, no car, and I can't even drive a car legally without one of my parents. I am so sick of this, but I have no one to talk to. my dad is a deacon at the church and my pastor would not listen if I tried to talk to him (and I have tried before), I don't have a school councilor, I don't have access to a phone, and I don't really have any friends. I have to sneak around to even get on the computer. I don't have any family that I could go live with, they all live to far away. I am out of options and I don't know what to do. calling the hotline # is out of the question. we nly have one phone, that my dad keeps with him at all times (his cell) and I am not allowed to use it.

[ccsmod1]

Re: I HAVE TO GET AWAY!

Thanks for sharing a little part of your story with us. It sounds like life is pretty hard right now and that you don’t feel like you have a lot of options. There’s a lot of anger and frustration in your post, which is completely understandable considering the situation you described. We’re glad that you were able to find our website during the little time you have on the computer and hope that in some way it helps that we’re here.

We’re so sorry to hear that your parents have been abusive both now and in the past. It’s unfortunate that sometimes adults feel they can treat their children this way, and not realize the consequences it can have. You don’t deserve to ever be physically, emotionally or mentally abused by anyone, especially not your parents. Home should be a safe environment, one that makes you feel comfortable and at peace. Do you have anyone that makes you feel at peace? You mentioned your younger sister, who probably isn’t great to talk to since she’s 8, but at least you’re able to be there for her if she needs you to.

You’ve obviously spent some time on our bulletins reading other posts, since you mentioned many of the options we sometimes bring up to other posters. This also means that you likely already know that at 18 you’re a legal adult, so if you ever do find options for leaving the house you can and your parents can’t make you come back. Are you graduated from high school? Actually, if you aren’t graduated yet, it’s possible that you have to wait until you do graduate to legally leave your house (different states have different laws). Have you ever thought of trying to find a Transitional Living Program (TLP) to go to? These are usually for young adults looking for help getting out on their own. They have housing, job training/employment counseling, financial planning, etc. The only thing with TLPs is that sometimes they have waiting lists. If you’re able to provide us with your city and state, we can definitely see if we have any TLPs in your area. Obviously it’s not an instant solution, but it might be worth looking into.

If you’re not able to get out or change the situation you’re in now, do you have ways that you can cope? Are there things that you do now that make you feel better? It’s probably really difficult to feel that you don’t have anyone to talk to. Obviously if you ever are able to get to a phone, even a payphone, our hotline is always available. We hope that in some way it helps to know that we’re here if you do need to talk. We wish we were able to have an easy solution to help you change your situation. Definitely feel free to write back if/when you’re able to. Best of Luck.

[Guest]

Re: I HAVE TO GET AWAY!

my parents are out tonight, and as long as I purge the computer they should not find out that I was on here.

I don't have anyone to talk to. at all. I am still in high school, but my parents have home-schooled me all my life. I am trapped in my own home for hours every day, and the only times I get out are when we go to church. but as I have stated, not even my pastor will listen to me because he is m dad's best friend, and refuses to believe that my dad could have treated me this way.

my sister is 8, but she is treated like a princess. my parents do anything she wants and they have never even raised their voice to her. I don't think that she would suffer if I left the house, other that missing having me around.

I also have two other brothers, one is 20, and he is the favorite child by far. he has never had to work for anything, he gets away with everything, and I can't count how many times my parents have said "why can't you be more like your brother?'.
my little brother had a lot of medical problems when he was much younger, and because of these my parents have always treated him like a baby. even though the doctors say that now there is nothing wrong with him, he still gets to sit around while I do all the work.
of the 4 kids, I am the only one that does any chores. I clean the floors, wash the dishes, wash the clothes, pick up my sister's toys, and any other chores that come up. I am basically the slave of the house. I feel like a mouse in a cage, like my life is nothing more than the life of a prisoner.

[ccsmod1]

Re: I HAVE TO GET AWAY!

We’re glad you’re able to get some computer time tonight. It’s probably nice to not have your parents around sometimes. Although, it sounds like you’re still expected to “hold down the fort”. It’s not really fair that they would treat you differently than any of your other siblings, but it sounds like since you’re the oldest and a girl, you’re expectations and responsibilities are greater than all the others. From your writing, it indicated you feel all alone in a house full of people.

It’s too bad that your pastor is also so close to your dad. Sounds like it’s hard for him to see your dad the way you see him because of this, which is too bad Are there other people in your church that you could ever turn to? Even if you couldn’t tell them everything you’re feeling, maybe just someone else to talk to besides your family. It’s understandable why you would be feeling so isolated, from all the circumstances you described. How have you survived thus far? Do you have a way to escape-whether it is through music, books or journaling? You’re obviously a very resilient person, to be managing without proper support from your family and no ways of really getting outside support. Although, it also sounds like from your writing that you’re at your wits end and don’t know what else to do. What can you do to feel empowered? To make you feel like you are more than just the sister with all the responsibilities. If there is anything that we can do to help you, please let us know. Hopefully it helps, even a small amount, to know that there are people out there that do care and do want to help in any way possible.

[Unregistered]

Need to escape

Im 19f &live in cali. I been wantn to run away for 2 years now Various reasons . I Feel like a failure with everything. And then im embarrassed because i fail .Theirs not too much support i have. My mom is busyvor tired and just deals with wat ever problem is more important at the time. So unless im causing her money or forgot to do something is in one ear out the other. My dad just works and comes home. i recently had to move so my mom can take care or my ill grandma . and i do feel rip from my home . i feel extremely trapped here. I can see my friends and go out . but i still have to come home. I have been diagnose with panic attacks causing me to have to quit my job. I thought getting a job wud be the answer for wanting to escape so bad . i thought i need to get out the house so get a job rite. Nope. I faild at that too. I think running away is risky but i just feel the need to run and run and run & never look back. I have done self harm in the past . i usually burn myself with a lighter or bobbypins.and have wrote notes explaing that im leaven and not to look for me. I have no money . no car. No future but still want to run . i know sleeping at college campuses is a safe place to sleep. Do i take my phone or diploma or change my name?

[ccsmod9]

Re: Need to Escape

Thanks so much for writing us at the National Runaway Safeline. We’re here to listen and here to help. Sorry to hear that you do not feel as though you have much support at home. It must be difficult to feel as though no one really pays you much attention. You are being very resourceful when it comes to seeking those resources that could help you change your situation.

Failure is a part of life. It is okay to fail, because with each failure, you learn something new about yourself or life. Check out this article below for an interesting perspective about failure:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ekaterinawalter/2013/12/30/30-powerful-quotes-on-failure/

In California, the age of majority is 18. This means that you are free to leave, and it would not be considered running away. This also means that it may not be necessary for you to change your name. The part where you state that you do not have any money or a car could make things a bit challenging. The good news is that there are a host of things you can explore in terms of living arrangements and/or employment options. We’ll list some resources below. As far as the panic attacks and the self-harm, have you received treatment for any of this? If you’d like, let us know and we can connect you to resources near you.

1. AmeriCorps: http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps (Nationwide service program where you receive a stipend and have the opportunity to serve across the US)

2. Job Corps: http://www.jobcorps.gov/ (Nationwide job training program where you can live on site)

3. Peace Corps: http://www.peacecorps.gov/volunteer/ (You can travel and live abroad in exchange)

4. Wwoofing: http://wwoofinternational.org/ (You can live somewhere else in exchange for working on a farm)

The above resources could allow you to see some of the options you have to make a living and to also move to a new place, if this is something you are interested in.

Support for Panic Attacks or Self-Harm:

http://www.adaa.org/supportgroups?title=&field_sg_state_value_many_to_one=CA

https://twloha.com/

California Youth Crisis Line: 1-800-843-5200 or http://youthcrisisline.org/

S.a.f.e Alternatives: (800)-DONTCUT or (800)-366-8288 or http://www.selfinjury.com/

http://www.seventeen.com/health/advice/a4533/cutting-resources/

We hope that this was somewhat helpful. We invite you to call us or chat with us. You seem to be going through a lot. If we can assist you in exploring more options or developing your plan for leaving, we would be glad to. We hope to hear from you soon via phone or chat!

Best,

NRS