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i wanna run away from home. please help me.

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  • Hey there. I am a 13 year old from India and my story begins when I was only in senior kinder garden, I had bitten (since my biting stage started late) my older brother and got beaten and physically abused so bad for it to the point I started peeing, and they still kept beating me until my brother told them I was saying the truth and to stop it. Later on in life we moved to a new place where my parents avoided to talk with me, they became emotionally abusive and distant and to this day they still are, it feels like I get emotionally raped by their perfectionism obsessive and hurtful words every single day. I literally fight and cry with my family every day, and I just want to quit at this point, I feel like I'm the wrong one here. I've been sexually assaulted by my friend, bullied to the point I started questioning myself, have depression, anxiety and I often feel dumb shamed, personality shamed, looks shamed and slut shamed idk why. My parents, most of the time refuse to check me to the doctor when I get a swollen eye infection or anything. Their distancing has grown so much I'm afraid they've begun to neglect me at this point, one day the end of my belt was hanging lose so my mother suggested to fix it, after much persuasion, using elastic bands in the tower reception, as she pulled up my top (I was wearing a long tee and jeans) the security guard started checking me out and when I addressed it to them they chose to ignore it and blame me instead of protecting me and trusting me, I was 11/12 at the time. My brother has certain dominance issues and I feel like he's the only parental figure in my life, even though he can tend to be aggressive at times he says its for my well being and even though he may call me weak and sensitive he's the only one who pays any attention towards me. My father is barely ever there in the house due to his job and he could almost be considered an outsider in my life if he didn't stay in the house, every time I try to inform him he chooses to believe my mother who explains matters from her perspective and victimizes herself. I have no friends who want to specialize me and often times I feel like I was abducted as a child due to certain memories. Every day this thought haunts me that if it wasn't for their procrastination and neglect, I would've been physically abused terribly. My mom always says that it was her fault she didn't beat me up when I was small. She even once mentioned me as the girl from the streets and someone who never deserved to have a mother etc. They make me feel guilty about my mental health issues and the outcome of it instead of being there for me. I also suffer from terrible mood swings and I'm unable to find the roots of it, I make up stories in my mind to make myself believe that this isn't my life and that it's been stolen from me and for some odd reason I gain pleasure from it. I wanna go to Orlando where my mom, Casey Anthony is living, I know this sounds crazy but you have got to trust me. Idk why she left me but I have memories, each photo of my childhood looks different, they claim most photos have been "deleted", we look really similar, we share the same birthday and even though my parents haven't admitted it and they have given slight remarks about it which in itself is very suspicious. The death WAS a cover up and i know it. My father, a man who I didn't even know well said to me that MY marriage was HIS responsibility. I'm honestly done with all the fake people and just wanna start anew, I don't need a hotline number, they can't change the past or save me. Please help me

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    • ccsmod13
      ccsmod13 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello,

      Thank you for reaching out to us during this difficult time. It sounds like you have really been through a lot and are currently struggling now. We understand how important is it to feel like people believe and understand the trauma you have gone through. Nobody deserves to be sexually abused, bullied or made to feel unsafe in their own home. Although you said you did not want any other numbers, it might not be a bad idea to reach out to professionals who can help you come up with some healthy coping mechanisms.

      RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) 1-800-656-4673 can help you process some of the things that have happened to you over the years. They may also be able to provide more long-term counseling options. https://www.stopbullying.gov/ Is another good resource to address some of the bullying you’ve experienced. It sounds like your parents are not supportive of you in more than one way. If you would like to report the abuse or neglect, you have every right to do so. Child Help at 1-800-422-4435 can take your information and open an investigation. You also said you believe Casey Anthony is your real mom. You can leave an anonymous tip at https://www.crimestoppersusa.org/contact/submit-a-tip/ where someone can look into this matter further.

      We are very glad you have reached out to us today and hope you’ll give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Please stay safe and best of luck.

  • thank you so much, you're the only person who understood or even bothered to help me even though I didn't knew you, you mean a lot to me, Thank you.

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    • ccsmod13
      ccsmod13 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth. It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone (1-800-786-2929) or chat (1800runaway.org) for immediate services.

      Thank you, NRS
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