I can hear her even when she's not saying anything

[Alanna]

I've been having this issue. Everytime that my mom gets mad at me she shouts at me saying that I'm insane and I have mental illness.
I have depression and paranoia and take meds for it prescribed by my psychiatrist.
But she keeps saying and repeating that over and over again. Sometimes I can hear her when I'm almost asleep and keep imagining her saying that: "Your completly insane" "Your ill" "You have problems in your head"
Everytime that she tells me those things it messes with my head and makes me act and feel like I'm really insane and I need to go to netcare cause I'm mad or something.
It's terrible, it's haunting me. And it makes me feel like ********.
I already tried to tell her to stop but everytime that we have a fight she repeats those things and it hurts. I will never forgive her and I hope I will be a normal person when I grow up. Or may be I'm really mad and she's right.
What should I do?

[ccsmod5]

Re: I can hear her even when she's not saying anything

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to us and sharing your story. Sounds like you're going through a very tough time and you're trying to find ways to get some help. We'll do what we can.

It seems like you've tried to get your mom to not say those things to you but in the heat of the moment she crosses that boundary and starts saying things that don't make you feel good. We're sorry to hear that. It's hard when people don't respect our boundaries and continue to ignore that certain language is hurtful.

You said thos usually only happens when you argue/fight...and you've told her multiple times that you'd rather not be called certain things. Are things ever good between you and your mom? What are those times like and do you think that maybe during calm/nice times would be a good place to ask her to not say certain things to you? We imagine that if she's reminded of this when there isn't a fight going on, maybe' she'll respond better because you would be on good terms during that time.

Also, sounds like you and your mom argue a lot. Do you think it'll be productive for either/both of you to speak with a family counselor? Sometimes that's a good way to be able to be heard and start building strategies to make things better at home.

If you'd like to explore your options some more and figure out what might be available to you, please call us at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We're anonymous, confidential and anonymous. And if that doesn't work for you, you're welcome to live chat with us on our website from 430p-1130p (Central Standard Time).

Hope to hear from you soon. Best of luck.