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18, Dual Enrollment and college-bound. Mother problems. CONTINUED

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  • 18, Dual Enrollment and college-bound. Mother problems. CONTINUED

    And so it was last year that I began thinking about options about moving out. I thought about joining the military, but didn't like the idea so much. I wanted to just get enough financial help and scholarships to attend a college far away from here, but that is quite the far-fetched idea. It is now, in the second semester of high school and (dual enrollment) college of my senior year that I have come to this:

    While I wish to finish my AA here at this college, possibly finish my entire degree here, at some point- and the sooner the better- I wish to also at the same time get a part time job and live elsewhere. Not here in this household, this situation, the closer I get to graduating and being more...free, is going to escalate.

    I've talked to my school guidance counselor, my gifted program teacher, and another teacher who is of my absolute trust about my situation and they agree that I should move out. The teacher knows about the suicide thought I had (as do some friends I will bring into this briefly) and are staying aware of me, giving moral support, making sure I keep my mind out of that range.

    Three friends of mine that have always been there for me in my situation are giving me moral support always, and are saying that my moving out is long-due. I also met someone this semester of college who walked out of her abusive household and is in some sort of women-and-children shelter. She has managed to remake her life, having a part-time job and attending college, and is about to move in with a roommate to an apartment. She is also partly aware of my situation. I asked her to keep an eye out for me in case there is a male who needs a roomate. That way I can get a part-time job and move out and continue attending high school and college. Mainly hearing of her plight has motivated me and let me know that there are ways out, and that I'm by far not the only one going through this sort of situation. So basically I have a clear idea of what I wish to do- but that first step's a doozy.

    Okay, I know since I'm 18 I'm not a runaway so I don't know if this post will be ignored, but basically, given my situation and my plans:

    1) Is there ANYTHING she can still do legally if I simply walked out on her or ran away one day? Since it's just us and she is older now (though she works), would it in a way be abandonment of household?

    2) What would I be able to take as far as clothes and the such, without it being considered theft? I know money's out of the question.

    3) I do have a small right ear that I can't hear out of much. But a disability has never been filed. There was a car accident while she was pregnant with me. Is there any way she can state that I am not mentally fit to be out and about, and make the law force me to move back in with her if I do leave?

    4) If I do this I do not know how she would react. If she found me and was threatening to me, I could file a restraining order...?



    5) Is there anything else, legally, that I should know? In all honesty I don't want the law involved as I feel I can handle this myself until I move out.

    ...that is all I can think of right now. If I have more questions or forgot important details, I will be sure to post here stating so. If something is unclear, do ask. If you've read this all the way through, thank you. And thanks in advance for any advice I get.

  • #2
    re: 18, Dual Enrollment and college-bound. Mother problems. CONTINUED

    Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now and that you are looking for some support and feedback. You mentioned many difficult things, mostly highlighting the struggles you have had with your mom for so long. It seems like you are really trying to understand where she is coming from and why she acts and treats you like she does. You must be a very emotionally mature individual to try and understand her perspective so thoroughly. You indicated that your mom has a history of verbal and physical abuse and that when she is drinking, it gets even worse. No one deserves to be made to feel unsafe in their own home or to live in a, “hostile” environment. No one ever has the right to harm you or make you feel, “useless.” Because you mentioned that you are 18 years old, at this point filing an abuse report with Child Protective Services might not be very effective and it sounds like you are aware that you now are able to move out on your own. You are right when you suggest that it could be very challenging to do so, but living outside of your mom’s home is certainly one option available to you.

    It seems like although you have a difficult relationship with your mom, you also have many supportive people in your life including your brother, dad, friends, counselor and teacher. It’s great that you have such supportive people and feel encouraged by others. Situations like this can be more difficult when you feel entirely alone. You also sound like a very bright and motivated individual. Dual enrollment can be a lot of work and you seem focused and driven to excel in your educational plans.

    One comment you made is that you have struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression. While we are here to support you and be someone to listen to you, we are not counselors or experts in this area. If you ever feel like you want to harm yourself or end your life, you can always call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK or you could call 911 if you feel like you need someone sent out immediately. Additionally, we do not have the city you are writing us from, but if you wanted to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us at 1800runaway.org from 4:30-11:30pm CST, we could help connect you to some additional counseling or therapy resources in your area if you think that might be helpful.
    You ask some really great questions about your rights and responsibilities legally in regard to moving out. Your concerns are understandable and we want to help you find those answers. Because we are a referral hotline, what we can do is connect you with some legal aid resources or some general legal counsel in your area and they should be able to help you navigate through these tough decisions.

    We are so glad that you found us and felt comfortable reaching out for support. You have been through many challenging things in the past and seem to be at an important cross-road in the decisions that you make. We are glad that you are pulling on the support and encouragement of people who care about you and that you are able to ask us for help as well. Again, if you want to call or chat with us, we’d be happy to give you the information for agencies in your area that can help you through this difficult time.

    Best wishes,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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