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18, Dual Enrollment and college-bound. Mother problems.

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  • 18, Dual Enrollment and college-bound. Mother problems.

    This post has been split as it is too long. I found this place while searching online for help with my current situation. I wish to share it here and I hope to be as clear and unbiased with my description of my circumstances as possible. I have trouble with my mother, see. I am wanting to move out, have talked to someone who walked out of their home and ended up in a shelter, and wish to share my thoughts here. All I really need is some advice and to ask a few questions. Also, while I was unable to register an account here, I would like to continue coming here for legal questions and the such about my situation and my options. When I am done with my post if anything seems unclear, do ask, as it may be a bit jumbled because there's so much to this. I will try to give as much background information and be as clear as possible:

    I am a male, 18 years old, in Florida (so you know what laws apply). My mother apparently suffered terrible abuse as a child by her mother, my grandma, who now rests in peace since I was like 7 or 8 or so. She was an illegal immigrant (now naturalized, or whatever it's called) with her family, coming to the United states when she was 16 and grew up here without an education. My grandmother was an abusive and controlling woman. My mother was always under her control, and ended up marrying my older brother's father only to get out of the life of abuse she led with her mother. She got pregnant with my brother and due to problems with his father's family and his father, had to move back in with my grandma. Basically, in the times she spent living with my grandma before and after having my brother (most of her life) she never got to live out her youth and never got to develop an identity, or be what she wanted to. She supported my grandma who eventually was too old and sick to work and was forced to pass up many chances with good men, to get good jobs, and even at one point to use money she got from an accident to create a business or buy another house to rent, all the while being verbally/mentally abused by my grandmother.

    She finished paying off our house and the such and eventually met my dad and got pregnant with me. (As I just last year found out, the pregnancy seemed to be her way of trying to get out of my grandma's again by tying my dad to her by getting pregnant with me) The whole trapping my dad deal backfired and my dad, while he took responsibility of supporting me, never lived with her or moved her out of here. And so (this part is my theory) because I didn't serve my purpose-trapping my father-I guess this is where her apparent hatred for me comes from.

    Both me and my brother-now 29, grew up in quite the hostile environment. I remember my brother getting yelled at a lot and hit when I was little. Not spanked, or hit as punishment, I mean our mom would just go up to him and punch and pound him, yelling, and he would just try to cover himself. The environment I grew up in was unloving. I do remember my mom being caring at loving towards ME at certain points when I was little, and I forget when but at some point this stopped and everything that's led to my current circumstances began.

    Ever since...I guess ever since I started growing and changing at age 12 or 13, when I began having a mind of my own and not just agreeing with her opinions, she went from unloving to openly hostile towards me. There were a few instances when I was younger that I did get hit, but it wasn't as bad as my brother. He moved out at age 18, but he had a lot of help, his wife's (then his girfriend) family is well off and helped shelter him until him and her could afford their own apartment.

    Back to me. Ever since my growing up and my brother's moving out, my mom was very hostile and verbally abusive towards me, making me feel useless and driving in to me a great fear of her that I have to this day. And controlling every aspect of my life, at least until I learned that she does not know everything and things can be hidden from her to an extent. I never go out of the house except on school and college business, by the way. Basically, I get blamed for everything that ever goes wrong, and I've always gotten yelled at, threatened to be beat or hurt, had objects hurled at me (again, the physical didn't happen much and only when I was younger and defenseless). When my grandmother died my mom eventually, within the year or so got over her sadness and went into a confusion. She was free. And she didn't know what to do. She took to drinking and this was the point (I was in eigth grade or so) when the abuse was the greatest and reached its peak. She afterward fell into a brief depression then began remaking her life, for the better, I thought, though the situation isn't very bright now, it was for the better.

    The one thing she's never done is stopped caring about school affairs. The family values education, and this might be mainly because she wants me to be on par with or better, educationally, than one of my cousins who is my age, but she's always been on me about education. I was on the gifted program in Jr. High and am currently a Dual Enrollment student, meaning I go to high school for a few classes, get out early, and go to our local State (formerly community) college for classes. When it comes to these things she will transport me wherever she needs to (even if I get yelled at or she complains).

    Okay, basically, because of this controlling of me, constant keeping tabs on me throughout the day and verbal abuse, I am a very negative and almost depressed person. I've had thoughts of suicide before, though this is an issue that does not matter as I have recieved moral support on this by various people and will not do this-this will be discussed later in this post. I don't have a sense of identity, all I know is that certain things remind me of her and her abuse and that I hate restraint.

    I wished to go to a high-level university but she has refused to give information about our financial status, thus making me miss out on certain college and scholarship application deadlines. Either way I plan on completing my AA (I am a business major) at the college I do Dual Enrollment in, then transfer, or possibly if need be, even stay there.

    Last year seemed to be the darkest part of my circumstances that led me here. She fell into drinking (very briefly) and went on with her verbal abuse and once even told me she hated me while drunk. This year, I began driving to school- she planned on getting a job, the job she now holds, and couldn't get me to school and college and needed me to drive. Otherwise she wouldn't have taught me- we'd spent a year arguing the matter beforehand. I have a license but am not driving as right now we only have one vehicle, but I am getting rides to college and to home so for now this is not an issue. She stopped drinking a month or so before getting the job she now has, and does not drink anymore. She has been all this school year trying to pull a "I'm so sorry for my past mistakes and what I've done to you in the past!", but falling back into the verbal abuse and control-freak parts of it constantly. And then making herself sound like the victim and making it seem like I'm the bad one and I'm getting even, to try to make me feel bad and get me to back down.

    ....As of last year, my brother and I, and sometimes my dad and I, began discussing this situation. It was then that my brother, while not willing to (and never will be) help me, suggested my moving out when I turned 18 and began talking to me about my options, warning me that this could be a case of grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side and that while he is happy to have moved out and escaped the abuse, life out there is not easy. He himself ended up needing to take anger management and counseling from the way she treated him. My dad also said that it was for the best to move out but had and has been talking to me about how to go about moving out. He wishes for me to finish my education and succeed in life, not just move out to eventually fail out there and be in need.
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