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I need help and I don't know where to turn to

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  • I need help and I don't know where to turn to

    I'm 14, and I've been suffering from depression, low self confidence, and Misophonia since i was 9 or 10. Misophonia is a disorder that causes me to feel rage, irritation, panic, and fear whenever I hear people eating or chewing, or swallowing, or even breathing some of the time. Misophonia has ruined my life. I don't eat dinner with my family anymore, and I wear headphones whenever someone eats in my house. I cant help cringing when I see my family members going for food, and it's ruined my relationship with them. I spend most of my time in my room or in the garage playing the drums. I have a lot of friends and I go out with them a lot, but I feel like my life is spiraling completely out of control. My grades have dropped horribly and I've become more and more depressed by the day. My parents constantly make mean remarks to me and berate me on my weight. (I'm 4'11 and 110 but don't look it) My dad has told me before that he wants me out. He says that he wants me to run away since I "bring no joy" to him. I constantly get into arguments with my parents, mostly because they will tell me to do something or other for absolutely no reason. When I ask for an explanation they cant provide one, and instead just yell at me. We don't get along, and I still don't understand how me staying in my room has made their lives hell, when I don't even bother them. Today my dad struck me, open handed, and dragged me outside and told me to leave and that he didn't care where I went. I had been asleep and been woken up with him yelling at me for not cleaning my room and we immediately got into a huge argument about it and he threw all of my things into a trash bag. I had been walking for about 10 minutes barefoot (at around 6pm in the cold) when he pulled up beside me and started yelling at me to get into the car. They've locked me out before, but last time it was in the backyard for 5 hours, two days before Christmas. I know I'm making this long so I'll try and cut it down. If I run away I need to go somewhere where I can complete my schooling and stay on task. I have considered suicide constantly, but I wont do it because I'm a Christian, and I have some big goals for my life. I want to work for the CIA or a related field. I plan on spending a long time in the military and I pretty much have my future planned. The only issue is that I don't know if I can make it to the point where I can go to college. My life is so out of control that I really, really want to run away. I've been dying to leave since I was 10. I've been asking my parents to let me go to boarding school for years now but they wont let me, and we cant really afford it. I've been to two different therapists, but they're useless. If I run away, are there any places where I can stay in school and get an adequate learning experience? Will something like this affect my chance to be in the military? I know depression can disqualify you, but would running away? I don't want to leave my friends and my music, but I cant live like this. My family hates me and they don't understand what I'm going through. Is there a specific type of help I can seek as an alternative? A specific specialist who can be of assistance for these issues? I've read enough about runaways to know the dangers, but I'm starting to think It may be one of my only options. I've self harmed, but It's not something I feel compelled to do and I think I do it more because I expect it to be some sort of release from the pain. It's not and I don't really feel anything when I do it, and It's troublesome to hide it, even though I do it on the shoulder. I'm sorry that this is so long, and I'm sorry if I've wasted your time. I don't mean to rant, but it seems like I have. If there's any advice or help you could recommend, I'd be more than happy to look into it. Sorry for my fuming. I know my issues are quite insignificant compared to others. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 01-25-2013, 03:16 AM.

  • #2
    I need help and don't know where to run

    Thank you for posting on the National Runaway Safeline the bulletin board at:
    Call 1-800-RUNAWAY if you are thinking of running from home, if you have a friend who has runaway, or if you are a runaway ready to go home.

    It sounds like you have been dealing with a very difficult and frustrating situation at home.
    We can understand how you must be feeling emotionally.

    It appears you have tried several options to help you cope with your affliction.
    It sounds like you have found a good way of escaping through playing the drums.
    Good for you for trying to care of yourself.

    There is no excuse for you to be treated poorly by your parents or anyone.
    You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your family home.
    You are not at fault and there is never any excuse for being physically abused or neglected.

    It is unfortunate that your parents have not embraced you or proved to be a good support base.
    There are laws against child abuse and you have the right to a safe environment.
    If you ever feel threatened or you have been put out there may be safe place emergency shelters we can assist you with finding.
    We can also assist you with filing an abuse report with child protective services.
    You can reach NRS 24hrs a day at: 1-800-Runaway (786-2929)

    You have the option of calling to file an abuse report as well at:
    Child Help USA-
    Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
    Available: 24hours
    *Confidential and anonymous.
    *Staffed with professional crisis counselors who utilize a database of 55,000 resources
    *Answer questions about abuse and where to report it.
    *They DO NOT take abuse reports, but can assist callers in making abuse reports with appropriate agency.

    Your safety is important to us.

    It is very good that you have friends you can be around.
    Having some positive options to turn must feel like such a relief from a negative environment.
    We appreciate you contacting us and taking the time to express your feelings.

    It’s good that you are venting it shows you are continuing to try and find ways of coping with everything.
    You stated that you have been to see two therapists but felt it was a useless experience.
    What was it that you were not satisfied with?

    Sense you feel things are spiraling out of control perhaps you might consider returning to counseling.
    Maybe there are some support groups a therapist can recommend for people (teens) living with Misophonia.

    How does that sound?

    You sound worried about your grades dropping maybe you can speak with your teachers about making efforts to bring them up.
    You have expressed a well thought out plan for your future it seems very focused and structured.
    You deserve congrats on being so concentrated about mapping out your future.
    Good for you for staying positive and seeing things beyond the present.
    You don't have to apologize for the length of your post we are just glad you found a positive way to relieve your frustrations.
    It’s okay to feel sad it’s just another way of expressing your feelings. It’s also helps to have someone to just listen.

    You are dealing with a lot; most people could understand how overwhelming it may feel at times.
    You expressed some great reality checks about trying not to resort to self harm.
    You are really demonstrating good judgment on the importance of taking care of yourself.

    There are services available to help you deal with your depression/suicidal thought;s if you feel like you would like to talk to someone during those times you can call the number to the National Suicide Hotline at: 1-800-273-8255 (Talk).

    You may call our 1-800-Runaway 24hr crisis line with any questions about options concerning school and any information about the laws as they pertain to runaways.

    We are not legal experts but we can give you a generalization about the laws in your state.
    We have a national data base at NRS which allows us to look for information and possible referrals for you.

    Would you feel comfortable calling NRS?

    We are also available for Live Chat 4:30pm until 11:30pm (CST) through our website at:
    Call 1-800-RUNAWAY if you are thinking of running from home, if you have a friend who has runaway, or if you are a runaway ready to go home.

    We appreciate you reaching out to NRs and hope by writing to us has helped you in expressing your feelings.
    Take Care,
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 01-25-2013, 03:27 AM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      Thank you

      I appreciate the child abuse information, but I wont be filing a report. My dad has never punched me or hurt me to the point where it leaves a mark. My parents and I spend a lot of time arguing and we certainly don't have great relationships, but I really won't even consider filing a report or anything that could my family as a whole like that. I don't really feel unsafe at home, just unliked. Although my mother tells me constantly to go away when I do try and sit and talk with her, I wouldn't say I'm being neglected. We can have enjoyable times together, i.e watching tv, or such, but there's often something that spoils it and ends it in a lot of yelling and crying, the crying on my part. When I'm with my friends it's a lot easier for me to have fun, and they don't know about my depression. The first therapist I started going to in 6th grade. My issue with her was that every time I saw her I asked her to make sure not to tell my parents about my depression, and to try and make sure that they didn't know. I didn't really think that they did know about it, I believe the therapist was more to try and deal with our constant arguing. Anyway, about a year later we went to a doctor to see if I had especially high levels of the sort of things that can trigger mood swings and such I guess. When the doctor asked for an example, they told her that I had been depressed for more than two years. It should have been obvious to me that they would know about it, but I had no idea that they did. I trusted my therapist to tell me if they knew, since I told her on a weekly basis that I didn't want them to know. I just didn't feel like I could trust her anymore, so we went to a different therapist. I've been going to her for about 6 months. She's nice, but she doesn't help with anything. All she does is sympathize with us and never helps solve any problems. My parents don't take the therapist's advice, and it seems like things are worse when we're going. I haven't gone for two months now, and I haven't asked why.
      I will definitely look into a support group. I think it could really help to hear how other people are trying to deal with Misophonia. My teachers have been accepting late work from me, but at half credit. It's definitely a lot better than getting zero credit for the work. I really don't think I could be comfortable with calling, but I will definitely look into the live chats. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond. I've never really told anyone any of this and it feels like a weight has been lifted.


      • #4
        re: I need help and I don't know where to turn to


        Thanks for getting back in touch with the National Runaway Safeline. It seems like you and your family has been working with therapists to try and address some family issues. Unfortunately, sometimes finding the right therapist can be similar to trying on shoes, trying to find the right fit. It sounds like you are going to look into support groups as an alternative. If you need resources, you may be able to contact United Way by dialing 2-11 to determine if they have a listing of nearby support groups.

        You are also welcome; we are here to be supportive. It’s not uncommon for some youth to feel more comfortable with contacting us through bulletins or chat. Just remember that our Live Chat is available between 4:30pm and 11:30pm CST and our hotline is 24/7.

        We wish you the best of luck!

        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!


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