Where do I go?

[Unregistered]

Hi. I don't really know what to say, but the fact that I don't like where I am. I don't feel I have a home, but I have a room. I'll just start from the beginning.
My parents divorced when I was three. My mom dated this guy right from the divorce for ten years. He called me a lot of bad stuff, threatened a lot of bad things. My mom knew, but didn't do anything about it. He made her cook and clean and wait on him hand and foot for his every desire. Yet she said she was in love, because he told her nice things.
Up until I was nine, my parents had a weird schedule where they would share me. When I was nine through thirteen, I lived with my dad. He took care of me, and went through four battles of court to keep me safe from this guy. He was my hero. I loved him so much. All of my friends loved him so much. He was funny and we would spend so much time together. We would play games and watch tv and go for walks and take road trips and go fishing and go to the movie theater all the time. But then he got too busy.
Finally, my mom ended it with her boyfriend, for random reasons that didn't make sense.
So things settled down after that.. Until now.
I'm now fifteen, and a couple months ago my dad started dating this girl. Good for him, right? She has three kids from her previous marriage, and is eighteen years younger than him. She is old enough to be my sister. She dropped out of school when she was my age, and has been doing meth ever since. She makes him tired, and he is drunk all the time. He is co-dependent, and refuses to truly break up with her, because every time he tries, she is back within hours. It happens on a daily bases.
My mom lets me stay at her house, but I am alone, because she works 13 hour shifts and is never here. Soon, I wont be able to come to her, because she is going to move to another country with a man she hasn't seen in thirty years; since they dated in Junior High. They reconnected over social media.
The point is, is that I can't take what is happening to my family. My dad and I have never been so distant. It feels like his girlfriend is driving us apart. My dad isn't the same as he used to be, and I just want him back. I miss my dad. She just wears him down and down and down. Today he told me that he has never been happy in his life and that I make it worse. He also told me that if he dies tonight he wanted me to know that all he wanted was to be happy and he never was. I don't know what to do. I just want my dad back.
I know I should let go of the past. But I cant deal with things right now. I just want to get away, because I am tired of being strong. There has been a lot of bad things in my life that I want to leave. I want to live somewhere else. But I have no where to go.

[ccsmod10]

RE: Where do I go?

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us during the difficult time. It sounds like you are very mature for your age and have been through a lot. We are sorry to hear your father is unhappy and has changed so much from being a cheerful person to who he is today. Have you tried talking to him about how his new relationship makes you feel? When the girlfriend does meth, do you feel unsafe in your home? You also mentioned that your mom is planning on leaving the country soon, where does she plan on having you stay?

It sounds like you are very strong and have recognized that your father has co-dependence issues. Your mother leaving soon could be very stressful as well. It also sounds like both your parents have struggled with relationships throughout your whole life. Have you talked to a counselor about this?

Here at the National Runaway Switchboard we have many resources to offer you. While we cannot give advice or tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, we can help you explore options and figure out what you would like to do. It sounds like you are very aware of your situation and are planning ahead. Do you have anyone else you could stay with? Have you looked into emancipation? Although you did not say what city you are in, there are some qualifications for becoming legally independent that vary from state to state. We can help put you in touch with the right people.

We are available to talk to you 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are confidential, anonymous and toll-free. We are also available at www.1800runaway.org by live chat from 4:30-11:30 pm Central Standard Time. We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck!

-NRS

[Unregistered]

Thank you for replying, and thank you for your understanding of my situation. I have talked to my dad on our relationship, and appears that for the moment that I talk to him, he understands (or gets annoyed, if like anything where I ask him too much about something). Yet it doesn't seem to make a difference in the overall outcome. Perhaps it is, but I don't see a change.. Yet..

I feel very unsafe with her around. On top of the activities that my dad and I would do, we also went shooting, and he has guns (and ammo) in his apartment. We don't exactly live in the safest part in town, and she has been alone in his house, then left the house with the door open. Considering that we have guns, alcohol, and other valuable items in his home, it really wasn't the safest thing to do. She would never have told us if we did not come by one day to find the apartment empty of her company. When I tried to tell my dad about how I felt unsafe with her in the house, he claimed that she has burned a lot of bridges, done a lot of bad things, but she would not harm me. Yet she does make unfair, unnecessary predictions about my future, saying that I am really judgmental and won't ever have any good relationships if I don't let go of the past.

My mom has asked about how I feel about her leaving, and I told her that after her previous relationship, she deserves to leave and have some happiness. She broke down in tears, agreeing. With her new spouse/boyfriend/guy, she will no longer have to work. I think she deserves it. We haven't talked about where I could stay, but there is some family a few cities away that I could talk to about extreme circumstances. But I would feel kind of bad, like a burden on them?

Throughout the divorce, my mom's first boyfriend, and court, I have been to so many counselors. Whenever they ask me a question, especially when there are other people in the room, my mind goes blank, as if my problems aren't worth their time and consideration..

I'm still considering who else I could stay with. It is more of who wouldn't feel I am a bother to them than who I have to rely on.

I heard something about emancipation a while ago, but have never looked into it. I heard it was something along the lines of "divorcing your parents"?

Something else that I wanted to mention really quickly, is that I am an only child. My dad refuses to let me take my dog to my moms, but he is suppose to be my dog, so I should be able to say where he stays? I really love this dog. When I tried to persuade my dad about taking him to my moms, her said no and claimed I ruined his night.

Thank you for giving me something to think about, and options to consider.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Where do I go?

Hello again,

We’re glad we could be of help. It sounds like you are trying to work through your options right now and we are here to listen. It sounds like you have gone through many options on your own throughout the divorce such as counselors, but don’t feel worth their time and consideration. That sounds like it would be tough to deal with on top of everything else. We are sorry to hear you feel unsafe sometimes. You deserve to feel safe. We are not experts on emancipation, but some states offer it and others do not.

Typically, those that do require:
- You be at least 15 or 16 years of age
- Living separate/apart with your parent(s)/guardian(s) agreement
- Have a legal source of income/financial independence
- Obtain a GED or High School diploma

If we know your city/state, we can try to provide some basic information for you area. At this point, we encourage you to contact us directly either by calling us 24/7at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Or, if you are more comfortable you can Live Chat every day from 4:30 to 11:30 pm CST. Hope that helps and you keep safe in the meantime.

-NRS

[Unregistered]

Hi, again. One last thing..

Will my dad be able to see I have called you guys? Will he be charged? Will I be charged for the chat?

[ccsmod4]

Where do I go?

Hi,
Thanks again for contacting The National Runaway Switchboard.

There should be no charge in calling the NRS toll free 24hr crisis line 1-800-Runaway (786-2929).
The NRS Live chat service is also a free service at www.1800runaway.org

We hope that helps to answer your questions.

Take care,
NRS

[Unregistered]

in the state of NC, can me running away a 2nd time affect my process of emancipation

So I ran away and my mom called the cops to take me from the house i was having thanksgiving dinner at. As we were walking outside (the cop was being totally one-sided the whole time with my mom) he said that if i run away again, they can take me to juvenile-something (I forget) and it would slow down my emancipation process because of court. Apparently it's not against the law, its just a state of offense, but was he just trying to scare me into not doing it again or will it really have an impact on me being emancipated?
Also, will me having ran away be on my record?
And my parents are threatening to take my job away, can they do that?? I need my job so i can be emancipated.
HELP PLEASE!

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for reaching out to us during this difficult time. It sounds like you are going through a rough time and we’re glad you have contacted us for assistance and support. Unfortunately, we are not legally trained here so we can’t tell you for sure what would happen if you left home again. What we can do is try to find some options that may be able to help you out.

It sounds like you left home yesterday and your mom was able to locate where you were. We are sorry to hear that the police came while you were in the middle of eating dinner. We are also sorry to hear that the police said you running away would slow down the emancipation process; it sounds like that is very important to you. Can you explain to us what made you run away from home? Again, we aren’t legally trained so we don’t know the specifics of running away in every state but generally speaking, running away isn’t considered illegal. It might be considered a status offense though which is something that you can’t do when you are under the age of 18 so your parents may have the option of filing a report with the police.

You mentioned that you are in the process of emancipation; does this mean that you have an attorney? They may be someone who can help explain the legalities of you leaving home and the effects it will have on the emancipation. They can also explain if your parents can take your job away and what options you may have available to you.

If you have any questions, please give us a call at anytime. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and can try to find you some resources. We are also able to help you make conference calls to different agencies if you would like us to.

We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck.

~NRS