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  • Last call for help.

    I'm really, really lost. I've thought about running away for months now and I've made lists of things I'd need, places I'd go, resources for food and water, etc. In 8 weeks, there's a very large possibility that I'll do it. I've exhausted my options and I'm down to two: run or kill myself. I've attempted suicide several times over the years. Apparently my liver has more will to live than I do. Since it hasn't worked, I'm leaning towards that leaving option. I'll explain what's going on the best that I can.

    I'm not happy in my home. I feel caged up, because at 18 I'm still not given parental permission to make my own decisions (to go out, to travel, to get a job, to go to a university). And when I ask for said permission, I'm verbally abused with derogatory words that I'm not allowed to type on this bulletin board. Added to that I live a complete lie. If I were to express myself creatively or tell my parents who I really am, they'd hurt me. I know that people will say that they wouldn't really do that, but I know better. I tried bringing up my sexuality once and my mother threatened to kill me. So, I joked it off and never mentioned it again. I try to mention the career path I want and I get threatened for it, too. Also, I'm a strict vegan. I have beliefs and they threaten to 'force me to eat meat'. Once, my mother held a knife to my throat and forced me to eat it because she was 'sick of my lifestyle'. I was thrown to the floor and beaten for accidentally losing my glasses. I've been threatened and 'kicked out' of my house many times. Not since I started community college, but before that. I went to my parents on my 18th birthday and asked permission to live the way I'd like to and they said if I wanted individuality and choice, then I could pack my bags and leave. And I would, but if I leave now, I'd have to pay 4k back in financial aid to the government and plus, I don't have anywhere to go. I don't have any friends. I don't have anyone to talk to. So, the semester ends in 8 weeks. I can drop out of school and just run.

    Tonight, I asked my mother for help, and she yelled at me. I told her that I needed to see a doctor. She called me an idiot and said it was because I wasn't eating proper. Being vegan doesn't make you suicidal. It's an act of compassion. No one ever killed themselves over not eating a hamburger, you know? Last night I thought about putting a bag over my head, taping it shut, and going to sleep. It's really bad. I'm talking really, really bad. I've asked for help and it's been denied to me, so I don't have a choice. I can't talk to anyone at college, because it's a center and they don't have counselors or whatever. It's just teachers and I don't think they could help me. They'd try to intervene and my parents would hurt them, too. I just ... I need some help. I don't have a 'safe adult'. I don't have anywhere I can go and talking to my parents is not working at all.

    I'll be honest. I don't want to drop out of school. I want to complete my college education. I don't want to run off somewhere and starve in the streets, because let's face it. It's not better than what's going on right now. The only thing it would save me from is the incessant verbal abuse. I probably wouldn't last a week and I'll end up prostituting myself just to have enough cash to feed myself. I'll eventually give up, submit to drugs, and they'll find my body in an alleyway somewhere either from being killed or from an overdose. I'm aware that running away is no fantasy. I know what happens and I know myself well enough to know what would happen to me.

    I tried talking to The Samaritans. It's this online thing where you can email and talk to counselors, but they weren't helping me. They acknowledged my pain, but legally, they couldn't offer any advice to me. The only thing they were allowed to say is, "we're here for you during this difficult time". And I'm grateful for that, but it's not really helping me get better. It's not something that is temporary. It's been going on for a very long time. For years. And I just can't deal with it anymore. I've studied psychology books, I've tried methods of meditation, I've tried asking for help, or writing a journal, or all these 'coping mechanisms' I read about, but to no avail. So, I went to Yahoo!, typed in "running away" in hopes that there'd be some sort of checklist of things to see if I forgot to pack anything or get anything before the run and I found this website. So. Here I am.

    I would've called the switchboard, but my parents monitor my calls. They get a print out every month of the calls I make on my cell phone (I thought it was rubbish until I saw it) and I don't have the privacy to use my home phone. And as I said, I'm not allowed to get out, so there's no other available source of communication other than the internet. And if, or when, I do run, I won't take the cell phone. They've got a GPS tracker on it and they'll find me.

    I don't really know what I'm asking for here. I need help. I'm just not sure where to go to get it. I'm legal. I'm 18. And I thought that turning 18 would change things, but it's not. I'm not going to make it unless I find someone to help me. This is it, one last organization, one last seek job. If I can't find help, then I'm running or throwing myself off the first overpass I come to. I've got no other choice.

  • #2
    Re: Last call for help.

    First of all, thank you for sharing a part of your painful story with us. It sounds like you’ve suffered a great deal for a long time and are searching for any way out. Even though your story is very sad, you communicated it very clearly and eloquently. Imaginably you’ve had immense stress, anger, frustration and hurt bottled up inside for far too long. There are so many issues that you touched upon in you bulletin, but it seems most stems back to verbal abuse from your parents (whether it is about your sexuality, career, beliefs or whatever). No one ever deserves to be treated by their parents the way you’ve described. It also sounds like you’ve tried for a long time to deal with what your parents throw at you, but none of it is working. You are to be commended, though, for all the effort and work you’ve put into trying to better yourself. You mentioned you’ve researched options and coping mechanisms, which is more than many people your age can say. You’ve reached out for help before, and from what you wrote it doesn’t sound like you got exactly what you were looking for. Right now, if everything was better, what would be different? It sounds like you know what you want and have awesome goals for yourself (college education), but are having trouble achieving them while still living with the constant abuse from your parents.

    You probably already know this, but in almost every state at 18 you can legally leave your house. You don’t need parental permission for anything anymore, because you are your own legal guardian. If you were to just leave, your parents wouldn’t be able to file a runaway report or have you brought home, because you’re not a minor anymore and it’s not considered runaway. Obviously, this may not solve your problem if you don’t have anywhere to go and need to still live in your parent’s house. Do you have any options of another living situation? One that would support and encourage you? There are transitional living programs (TLP) for people your age. These are places that are for young adults, who want to get out on their own but don’t have the resources to do it all by themselves (because it’s really hard to start out with no help). There’s a national program, called Job Corps (# below), which has residential facilities all over the US. They also help with job training (vocational or college), employment, and life skills. There are also many other TLPs all over the US. Have you looked into any programs like this in your area? Would it be something you’re interested in?

    The options you’ve come up with at this point are running and suicide. From what you wrote about your thoughts on running, you feel like even though you have a plan it still might not turn out well. You’re right that it’s tough on your own with no money, food or place to stay. Honestly, you shouldn’t have to be thinking about how to survive, especially at your age, and it’s unfortunate that you have to. When it comes to suicide, you mentioned you’ve tried several times in the past and still have constant thoughts about it. You even told your mom you needed help, and she didn’t listen to you. From all that you wrote, it sounds like you don’t really want to use this option; it’s more that you feel like there’s no other way out. Is this correct? If this is something you’re seriously thinking about and do want help, it’s out there. You can call the suicide hotline (# below), 911 or go to any local hospital if you feel like you’re a threat to yourself.

    You did write that you’re not able to call since your parents monitor your phone calls, but just in case you can ever get out to use a payphone (800 numbers are free from payphones), here are a couple numbers that might be able to help. Some may not be able to provide immediate physical options, but sometimes it helps to at least have support from someone that is there to listen and encourage you.

    National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
    National GLBT Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
    Trevor Hotline (GLBT Suicide): 1-866-488-7386
    Job Corps: 1-800-733-5627

    Of course, you can always call our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (7862929). We’re available 24/7. We are more than willing to not only listen to you and support you, but also help you come up with actual options for your situation. We can help call local TLPs for more information and see if they’re a viable option for you. If you have specific legal questions, we can help find a resource where you can get your questions answered. We can also find local counselors for you to talk to on a consistent basis, especially since you have no “safe” adults to talk to. We are 100% anonymous and confidential, so you don’t have to worry about us telling anyone that you called (especially your parents). Someone is available day or night, so call anytime. If need be, you’re welcome to email (mailto:[email protected]) or just write back through the bulletins.

    We are so glad that you reached out to us and hope that in some way we are able to help you. We wish you the best of luck and please call or write back anytime.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Last call for help.

      I tried talking to her again today. My exact words were, "If you don't take me to talk to someone, I'll throw myself off of an overpass." She laughed at me. I told her I was serious. She continued laughing and said, "No, you're not!". And then in the car on the way to town tonight she yelled at me about not eating. (I'm anorectic, as a result of constantly being controlled, I feel that controlling my intake is one tiny piece of personal freedom I own). She said she was going to restrain me and force me to eat and that I had to keep a journal of every single thing I eat or drink. It's not as simple as 'eating'. I told her it was a mental disorder and she yelled at me again, "It's not a mental disorder. There's nothing wrong with you. You just have to start eating and if you don't..."

      The worst thing to do is tell an anorectic that she you're going to make her eat. I mean, sure, she'll have a peace of mind because I'll be 'eating', but I'll still have my fingers down my throat in the bathroom, throwing up whatever she forces into me. It's really naive of her to think I won't find another way to control it.

      I looked into the transitional living programs. I think we have something like that here. I know we at least have a food stamp office, some sort of medicaid program, and I'm not sure about a housing program, but there's a probability that there is one, also. We also have a mental health facility. Even if I ran, I could walk to one of those places, wait out the night and talk to someone the next morning. Or I could walk to a police station, a hospital, something and talk to someone about it.

      My friend, well on and off friend, I'll call her Nameless. Nameless offered me a place to stay at her house, but I feel really guilty about it. I don't want to impose on anyone. Of course if I do end up there, I'll offer to clean the house and get a job to help pay for things. Nameless lives with her parents and I don't think they would mind as long as I helped out around the house. Which is what I do now at my own house, except it won't feel like slavery -- it'll feel like I'm doing it to help them since they're helping me. Well, I don't have a job right now. I've been trying to get one, but it's a small town and you have to get people to put in a word for you and since I don't talk to anyone, I have no word. But, I'm calling a place tomorrow. Some kids I used to go to highschool with work there and if I name drop a bit, I should be able to nail it.

      It's all my fault, really. All I have to do to get myself out of this situation is to go to my parents and say, "I can't live here anymore. I'm unhappy. It's not working and I really need to go out on my own and make a life for myself." But it's really hard because they aren't going to take it well at all. I tried talking about it before but they shut me down. They tell me to 'just go then. If we're not good enough for you.' and then I feel guilty, get sick, and end up staying. I don't want to make them unhappy. I don't want them to feel like bad parents. I don't want to hurt them, but at this rate, maybe it's the only way. Maybe I need to be selfish and do this for my own sake. I've always been altruistic, by putting everyone at a higher priority than myself, and when I don't, I feel intense guilt about it. It's just hard. Really hard. The second I leave I'll be overwhelmed with guilt. How could I do this to them? What kind of ungrateful, horrid daughter am I? You know? It's just an ongoing circle. I talked to a friend I have over the internet in a different country. I'll call her Friend2. I had this conversation with friend to and she says, "Stop. Stop trying to talk yourself out of it. You're sick. You're not a teenager over dramatizing things. It's real. You need help." But I keep talking myself out of it. I keep telling myself I'm just a teenager who is taking something normal and making it into a big deal, but it doesn't feel normal. It doesn't feel safe at all. I don't feel safe.

      You're right. I don't want to die or kill myself. I want the freedom to creatively express myself, the atmosphere to grow into an adult, and the acceptance of who I am. I am not even asking for their support, if they'd just leave me alone and let me be. I never cared if they agreed with my lifestyle or not. It's very difficult to live in a place where my parents are trying to change me. "You'll live how I want you to live or you can go to the street." No unconditional love there. I think if the words, 'we love you, no matter who you are' came out of their mouths I'd go into cardiac arrest in pure shock.

      It sounds so easy. Just walk in there and say it. Pack my bags. Hit the door. There's nothing they can do. But right now, at this time, I can't. I don't have the stomach to say mean things to my parents. Sometimes I wish I could be that daughter they wanted. I'm sorry that I'm not. But in a realistic sense, I shouldn't have to apologize for being myself. This is why I've been so adamant about death. It's a lot easier to take my life, escape from the inside and just disappear than it is to say goodbye and try and make it on my own. It's not like I'm running off with someone. It's just me, alone. It'd be less embarrassing for them. People are more sympathetic about a dead daughter than a rebellious teenager.

      I wish I had the audacity to do this. It's amusing to me that I have the guts to put a gun to my head or slice open a vein, but I don't have the guts to walk away. I noticed something:

      Running: All thought and no action.
      Suicide: All action and no thought.

      Thank you for listening to me. I know that in order to get better I have to take an action, but it's going to take some planning, careful thought, and I'm going to have to get the guts to go through with it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Last call for help.

        Thanks for contacting us again and keeping us updated on your situation. It sounds like you’ve seriously thought about what you want and need to do, but you’re still conflicted about leaving. You mentioned always putting others before yourself and this sounds like one of the big problems you are having now. You don’t want to hurt your parent’s feelings, but you know that at some point you have to start caring about yourself and thinking of your wellbeing. You sound like an extremely intelligent girl and that you really want to get some help for the issues you are dealing with. Since you are 18 do you think you can go and check out a couple of the mental health facilities that are in your area? There are people that are out there to help, and it sounds like you are ready to get that help. I know you are afraid of letting your parents down or not doing what they want, but in the end this is your life and your health. I wanted to also let you know that we are always here to help in any way we can. You can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, write another bulletin, or even contact us by email. We are here 24 hours to listen and if you decide you want any help finding resources we can help you look for those as well. Also, if you do decide it is time to get out of the house and want to look at some safe options for you to do that, we can help you out with that as well. Good luck with everything and please don’t forget that we are always here.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Last call for help.

          I know I'm not allowed to relay my location here, so I won't. However, if I can entertain a hypothetical situation. Say I could get a greyhound from my location to Chicago. Would there be a place in that city I could get some help getting started? If I were to pack a bag (because obviously traveling light is the only option and only necessities will be taken) and go to Chicago, directly from the greyhound station, would there be a place I could go? I know it's a big city, but that's why it'd be an ideal place to go. It's a big place, big opportunities, and with enough hard work, maybe I can build a comfortable life there.

          Time is running low and I've got to make a decision quickly. I have seven weeks left of this college semester. So, if I don't sign up for classes after this first semester, I think I can get out without having to pay the government back for financial aid. If I sign up for classes, I have to stay here where I live and finish it out, because I can't afford to run and then be 4k in debt. I've got a short time window and I'm completely ignorant as to how to go about all of this.

          If I can work it out, I have enough money for a ticket and maybe a few days living in the city, assuming I sleep somewhere cheap or I find somewhere semi-safe to sleep. It's the time after those few days that's going to really get me.

          I'm starting to find the guts to do it. I talked to someone today on a social networking site. They told me that they went out and got a couple of piercings and a tattoo. Of course when they came home their father was angry and told her she was moving out in the morning. She was scared, but kind of collected about it. And I told her she was so brave for artistically expressing herself, no matter the consequences. I wish I could be like her in that way -- to just do what I have to.

          The thing that is really holding me back, other than the guilt complex, is college. I really want to go and get a degree. I want to get an education and build a career from it. Hopefully, I can change the world with it. Even if it's one person. Just one life. That's all that matters.

          Another thing. My sister. I don't want to leave her alone, but she seems to be okay. They don't treat her as harshly as they seem to treat me because she's more close to their ideal daughter. She's got a boyfriend and these friends, but she's 'normal'. She wants to be a teacher and everything. In contrast, I want to play bass and get a degree in Graphic Design, use my body as an artistic expression (piercings), I'm bisexual, and I'm the very physical definition of a heroin addict you'd find in a club or a tattoo parlor -- except I'm not like them at all. I'm clean and I want to expand my mind and intelligence as far as it can go. They don't like the 'alternative' life too much. And I don't care that they don't support it, it's just, they could stop treating my like I'm a leper. I have to hide who I am, how I think, and how I feel. That's not love. That's hate. They hate me, no me directly, but the idea of me. Unconsciously. Consciously. It doesn't matter. It's still hate.

          I have this argument a lot with my parents. I ask them why I'm not allowed to live my life the way I wish and why my sister gets to live hers. They argue that what she wants is more realistic, normal, and that what I want is 'stupid'. I said, "No, it's not stupid, it's just different." But the argument goes on and they never relent.

          Maybe that's why I do it. Maybe because it is different and I want people to accept it. To challenge what they've been taught or stereotyped to believe and shake things up. Yeah, I think that's why I want it this bad -- to change or to ask people to stop being so automatic, so auto pilot about their thoughts. I don't want to live my life on auto pilot, doing what everyone else wants me to feel or think or go.

          I won't bother with trying to make it better at this location anymore. My efforts are spent and I've never gone behind my parents back. I've never rebelled against them before. I'm the post child of blind obedience at it's finest (hence the guilt complex). It's better that I leave instead of turning them over to authorities. The less mess, the better. It'll hurt, but they'll get over it. Besides, they're the ones who said, "If this is what you want, there's the door." And it is what I want. I need to do this.

          So, if I can get it together, Chicago it is. Thank you again for listening, for all of your help. I'm so grateful that I found the National Runaway Switchboard.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Last call for help.

            Thanks once again for keeping us updating on things and for you continuing to reach out!
            As far as the hypothetical situation question you asked, of course there would be places to get help right off of the bus. All you would have to do is simply locate a pay phone in order to reach us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY and just as we are doing our best to help you now, we will be sure to provide you with some options. Still and all it seems that you still have other very difficult decisions to make like your school situation. you seem to have very big goals and dreams for your future and that is great.

            It is also good to see that you are finding other alternatives in your search for help like the social networking website you mentioned. Sometimes it is best to talk to and share experiences with people similar to you who have been through or are going through similar situations.

            As we are sure you already know, we are here for you. You can contact us at anytime to update us and/or to ask more questions before, during and after your decision making process. We are still confidential and available 24/7 whenever you may want to call :-)
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Last call for help.

              I found out today that even if I do run, I still have to claim parental dependency of my financial aid forms for college until I'm 21 or unless I sue them for emancipation. Which I can't do, because it's illegal in my state. And without their information, I won't be able to go back to school. Also, my parents make too much money for me to use financial aid to attend a university.

              Every window of opportunity that arises has an equal obstacle preventing me from taking it.

              I did some research on the internet. All these issues I'm having are direct symptoms of major depression and hyperinsomnia. All in which I'm sure resulted from my situation. Which, I really don't want to be the whiny suburban kids who says, "My parents are to blame for all my problems." The reality is, I'm to blame. I'm in a situation and I'm too terrified to get out of it. There's no disorder stopping me from getting out of here. It's me.

              No matter which way I turn, something is going to stop me. If I leave -- goodbye to college, goodbye to my family, goodbye to a place to sleep. If I don't leave -- high level risk of suicide, goodbye health, goodbye mental stability.

              I did some research on major depression and hyperinsomnia. The risks and all that. I used a yellow crayon to highlight all my symptoms. There's a lot of yellow on that paper. I'm going to give it to my mother tomorrow and request medical attention. If she denies me, then I guess I have to leave or locate some poison, because if something doesn't happen soon, it's going to get bad. It's getting worse.

              I spent the entire day asleep. As in -- literally slept through today. The whole day. Most of my waking hours are spent asleep, trying to avoid the yelling, the arguing, and the realization that I'm just stuck and too scared to take action.

              I guess what I'm trying to say is, if my parents would cooperate with me, I wouldn't have to run off or attempt suicide. I'd be getting proper help and maybe they'd let me have some room to grow as an adult once they realize that this is serious. Maybe, just maybe. It's not difficult for them to give me some room. I mean, I know having a teenage kid is hard, well, two teenage kids -- but I'm 18. It's time to let go. To let me be my own person. I can't play stepford child anymore. I'm serious.

              I'll try to go to a friend's house this weekend and use a phone to call the switchboard. It'll be like 1am-4am if I call, though, because everyone will be awake until then.

              Thanks again for working with me and making suggestions.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Last call for help.

                Hello,

                Thank you for your continued interest with working with us during this difficult time and enabling yourself to trust us enough to guide you towards realizing some key issues in your life. After careful consideration of your last correspondence, it is worth taking the time to highlight some of the positive points that you are making in your last response. It shows good on you part that you are obviously taking the time to really think about what resources is available to you and those that are not if you choose to run or stay at home. It really proves that you are willing to consider other options but you have lots of reasons for why you are still struggling with where to land.

                First off, it sounds like you have been through a lot and you are very much a survivor. We appreciate your honesty with your feelings but since you are going through so much already, you do not necessarily have to be so hard on yourself. Everyone has their own burden to bear and you are trying to overcome a lot of obstacles that is preventing you from realizing your true self, so you do not have to say that you are not trying to sound whiny. As crisis intervention workers, it is not our policy to judge you. You certainly have your own fears that you are trying to work through and this is why we want to continue to be there for you.

                However, we feel that the purpose of bulletin is only the starting process for us to first get to know you and feel that we can do more for you at this time through a conversation directly with one of our liners. We are here 24 hours a day and all of our liners are qualified to handle your call and can take you in whatever direction you want. We are not here to offer advice but we are trained to walk you through some options to give you a better sense of how to go about dealing with some of your struggles. It sounds like you are at a point now where something tremendous needs to happen and we recognize that urge you have for something to happen right away. However, it also shows good on your part that you are able to recognize the symptoms you have and that you are able to seek out your parents for help. You are certainly ahead of a lot of people in that you are asking for the proper help and you are willing to go about getting it. We are certainly concerned for your safety and want to hear from you. But until we hear from you we hope that you find some ways to remain strong and stay empowered. Good luck.

                -NRS
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Last call for help.

                  We opted not to make your last post public, but would again encourage you to call us or the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-SUICIDE) if you need help. All these numbers are free from pay-phones. Of course, the police (911) are always an option if you feel you’re an immediate threat to yourself. They can help transport you to the closest hospital.
                  Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                  National Runaway Safeline
                  [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                  1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                  Tell us what you think about your experience!
                  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Last call for help.

                    My apologies. I should have recognized that since curse words and location reveal wasn't allowed to be posted publicly, that graphic violence wouldn't be allowed either. I wasn't thinking rationally.

                    I've been keeping these hard copy diaries since I was 16. In them are documents of all the pain, the sickness, the abuse, and horror. I think it's time to burn them. To symbolically rid of all that hate, pain, and confusion. I'll feel this detached feeling for a bit, but it'll subside. I just think it's time to stop harming myself, stop giving into intense emotions, and to dig deep into the well inside and drag out some sort of strength. I know I can get through this.

                    I've been talking to my mother. Not as honestly as I have been here, because goodness, that'd be another fight. But I have been sharing with her about important things in my life and she's making an attempt to try. She still isn't allowing me to be myself, but I'd be a fool to not try anyway. It isn't her fault that she doesn't know, because I never told her. She doesn't understand and and maybe I'll have to lie about my sexuality a bit longer, and follow insane rules, but it's only time. I'll move out eventually, get some loans and go to a university. There'll be debt to pay back, but what American isn't in debt these days, yeah?

                    I always say that it isn't comparable, because no matter what I do, comparing will just make me self-depreciating. But sometimes I feel horrid because there are kids with AIDS in Africa and people who don't have the freedom. I feel like I shouldn't be jumping so fast to conclusions or being violent. And hey, if those kids can make it through a tough disease and through poverty and starvation, then I can suck it up and endure this homelife. I'll make more effort and see how it goes. I suppose I could find a new coping mechanism, one that will work out my intense emotions better than negative methods I've been using.

                    I feel quite silly about my behaviour, but I hope to move on from that. A girl must do what a girl must do -- and perhaps that means I'll have to try a little harder to be positive, find the silver lining, and deal with it.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Last call for help.

                      I just wanted to let you know that we are always here if you need us. Dealing with these intense issues alone isn't easy and there are people here to help. If you need to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY we are here 24 hours a day. Good luck with everything and call us if you need to.
                      Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

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