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Livong In A Mad House

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  • Livong In A Mad House

    17 will be 18 in 5days. My brothers are demons, but one in particular is possibly an advocate of the devil himself! All my life I have been fighting them. They steal from me (my parents, friends & older sisters.. Heck! They even steal from EACH OTHER!). They bully my nieces & nephews (beat them, choke them, call them **********es, faggots, ugly or whatever else they see fit.), They lie constantly, sell/do drugs, are gang affiliated, threaten to shoot me or have me jumped. It seems as if Im the only person in the house willing to stand up to them, I play role of "protector" & Im my mothers youngest child! Its even gotten so bad that about once a week I stand over my brother with a knife as he sleeps. I have dreams of killing them, I loathe the sight of them with every fiber of my being, They dont own souls. My mother sits back & does nothing! The only people she hits, puts on punishment or yells at is me & my other brother who has Cerebral Palsy. I even ran away before to my aunts house because I was fed up with the dysfunctionality of the whole household. I came back cause my mother lied & said she'd put them out; I believed her. Now Im stuck here cause my aunt is mad at me for believing my mothers snake tongue. Nothing there is sensible. My older sisters are too scared to defend their own children or themselves, they let their boyfriends treat them like dirt! But I believe this is due to the way they grew up. Which is what I am experiencing now. My mother lets all the boys run the house & get away with murder, meanwhile the females are taught to be walked over & to deal with being disrespected on a daily basis just cause my mom refuses to put them out! My sisters tell me to deal with it just because they did during their childhood but I refuse to lay down & take abuse which I do not even deserve! I WILL be the one to break this unfair cycle! I need to get out of here before I kill them or myself.. Im just tired & confused as to why doesnt she love me enough to ensure a safe enviroment for her daughters? I have cried my heart out to this woman about how unimportant she makes me & my older sisters feel, yet its still not enough to make her change or put her foot down :'(

  • #2
    Re: Living in A Mad House

    Hi there,
    Thank you for sharing some of your life with us here at The National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you are really reaching a breaking point with all that is going on at your house. It seems like this would all be extremely difficult to have to handle every day. It can't be easy to feel like you're the only one who see things the way you do and to want to do anything about it. It can be even more frustrating when you're alone like that and feel that there isn't much you can do about it all. You said that you went to your aunt's house before but now she's mad at you because of your mom. Is there a way to reconcile that so you can go back? (assuming you want to)
    Are there any other safe places that you can think of to go to? Other family members, friends, shelters? We can try to help you find an alternative living arrangement if that's something you would like. Do you ever talk to anyone about how you're feeling? This can't be easy for you to handle every day. Is there anyone that you trust enough to talk to so that you don't feel like it's all on you? Friends, teachers, counselors, anyone that may be able to help in any way.
    We're so sorry that you're feeling so unloved and supported by your mother. It sounds like everyone has got a lot of pressure put on them with the treatment received by your brothers. Do you feel like that's the reason she won't kick them out? Because of the threats? It has to be so hard to be so upset and try to express yourself to your mom when she doesn't really seem to be giving you a response. Just like you said, people are raised differently. There's only so much you can do, sometimes it helps to focus on what you CAN do. We are here to try and help you in whatever way we can. Whether you want to try and think of another place to go, others to talk to, or just need to vent about what's happening we are here for you.
    Please give us a call so that we can talk with you further about your situation. We want you to be safe and feel like you have a way to cope with everything that's going on. We are here 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY or you can chat with us from 4:30-11:30 pm CST. Please get in contact with us so we can help.
    We wish you all the best,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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