Way to much is going on

[Unregistered]

I have spent all my life in fear and frustration. I was born in poland and then sent to an orphanage. I was adopted at age five and came to the US. I have spent the last eleven years with adoptive parents that I have never really trusted or loved. I am a very open minded person and am upset about what has been happening. In the past two months, my dad has abused me (I contacted the school and talked to police officers), I spent a whole week cutting myself, I have talked with CPS (they are not going to do anything), I have talked to m teachers, my VP, school resource officer, my councilor, and the Psychologist at my school. I have threatend to kill myself with windex and running into the street. On all the occations I was caught and was tatalled on to my parents. I have had councilors from a crisis team talk to me. I have talked to eighteen adults (not counting my friends who think I am crazy and are scared of me. And the friends who are hurting me because they are trying to "pretect" their friends.) Talking to me dose not salve any problems, actions solve problems. I have lived way to long with bad things happening to me and I want it to stop. noone wants ot help me in the right ways (people have don stuff but it is just making things worse) and I am getting more desperate by the day. The pain of hurting myself is nothing compared to the internal pain that I have been through. I have thought about taking a couple of hundred dallors and running away, but the only thing stpping me is that I live in the middle of a huge city that is dangerouse. I have thought about running out into the middle of nowhere and living alone in the woods (its much safer than living on the streets). The only problem is getting there without getting caught. At this point I dont trust adults because of what they have done or not done to me. If i die noone will care and the world would be better off.

[ccsmod8]

Re: Way To Much Is Going On

Hello,

Thank you for being brave and opening up about your feelings. We appreciate you trusting us with your story. It sounds like so much has happened to you and we can see how you feel the way you do. You do not deserve any of the things that has happened to you. We heard your voice as you spoke to all the help you have not gotten since everything has happened. It is not fair to you.

We are not here to make false promises to you or to mislead you. We are here to help. One sure way for us to help is for you to call us to get the emotional support you deserve. All of our liners are trained the same way to guide the conversation you will have when you call, in the direction you want. What we do best is listen. We have heard your story and now we wish to help in anyway we can. How are you coping with everything? If life has brought you to the point where you can no longer stand it we are here to help you see the alternatives.

We do not offer expert advice. We cannot tell you what to do. Only you know what is best as you try to factor in all the options that is available to you. We are a 24 hours a day hotline dedicating to helping our callers reach the goals they want. We also have resources in our database that you may find helpful as you attempt to put things into perspective.

You sound like a very resilient person. You are a survivor. One resource we want to offer you is the National Suicide Hotline at (1-800-273-8255). You do not have to feel like hurting yourself to call. They can be a source of support with the feelings you are having. We also want to continue to be a source of support to you also. We hope we can help you to grasp the reality of your situation and seek out the best help for you. We are not counselors. We are very non-judgmental.

We want you to know that you are not alone. We can use formal approaches to helping and help guide you through informal approaches that are best for you. Please let us know how we can help and know that we have heard your voice. We hope to hear from you aoon. Stay strong. Good luck.

-NRS

[Unregistered]

ryply after many months

Hi again. Its been a few months since I posted and well I need to ask some questions. So in my last pot I didnt explain much but this video will. Its one I made and yes it is sad but I am glad I made it.

I may not be a little kid anymore but this has been happening since the day I was born. I was born to abusive parents, then I was sent to an orphanage where I had to learn to survive, and then I was adopted. I now regret getting adopted. When all this scary stuff started happening I was six and in a position where I had no control over my life. I was not able to reach out for help because I was never given a chance. I was home almost 24/7. I never went to school while my parents pretended to "homeschool" my brother sister and I. I saw people maybe once a week but my mom or dad was always there so I could never get help. I also didn't have access to a phone and even if I had been I would probably would have gotten caught. As my video explains my parents didn't physically abuse me very much they made sure of it but in some ways they have damaged me in other more worse ways. They brainwashed me, I have no confidence, I dont trust people, my mind is demolished, my memory is non existent, my future has been demolished.... After months of nothing I started over and was successful in some ways. 2 CPS reports have been made in the past week and hopefully that has made and impact.
Do kids not have the choice to have a better life?
Do only physically abused kids get help while the ones that have been mentally and emotionally abused get ignored and have to suffer for years before someone notices?
Do I have no chance of being successful and happy because I was not as seriously physically abused as hundreds of other kids?
Will my suffering ever end?
I am a person too. In my entire life I have never been in a position where I was happy. I m not a punching bag that people can hit around and mess up and do whatever with.
I have gotten to the point that if someone does not come in the next 5 days I'm out of here and no one will have to see me ever again. Maybe angels in heaven will help me because there don't seem to be any on earth. Or even if I go to hell it will be less painful than what I have been through living.

I might be able to call but it wont make a difference. I might feel better for an hour but what about the first 15 years of my life?!?

[ccsmod3]

Re: Way to much is going on

Hello there,

It sounds like you’ve been dealing with an awful lot your entire life. You’ve also shown how you are able to express how you are feeling through creating YouTube videos. Unfortunately, we had to take out your video links to keep your confidentiality, but it appears like you’ve found a very creative way to deal with everything. It also sounds like sharing your story has been therapeutic for you as well.

We wish we could answer all of your questions, but as we mentioned last time we do not offer expert advice (including legal advice.) What we can say is no one deserves to be abused regardless if it is physical or mental/emotional. It sounds like you are an incredibly strong person to have dealt with so much in your 15 years. It sounds like you are holding on to hope that the 2 CPS reports which have been made recently will make an impact.

A few other resources you might find helpful are Child Help USA and Justice for Children, both of which provide help for children and youth dealing with abuse and neglect. Justice for Children is there to advocate in situations where maybe the system hasn’t worked to improve things at home. \

Child Help USA
1-800-422-4453

http://www.childhelp.org/

Justice for Children
1-800-733-0059

http://justiceforchildren.org/

You mentioned you might be able to call, but aren’t sure if it will make a difference. We are here to listen and provide emotional support if you choose to contact us that way. We also offer Live Chat (red button on www.1800runaway.org) from 4:30 to 11:30 pm CST. We do care about your safety and hope you begin to feel safer soon. We’ll be here if and when you decide to call or chat with us. Best of luck!

-NRS

[Unregistered]

Reply

So, I have been doing some research and I knew about Childhelp before you mentioned it.(I watched their movie and I wanted to see if Childhelp really existed.) But anyway I looked on their website and there is a place, center, whatever it is called five miles from my house. In the last couple of weeks I have thought about walking to a police station(about 4 miles from my house) and then I thought of Childhelp. I would call but one, I am terrified about talking on a phone and if I use my cell phone to call Childhelp my dad will get a bill. (the website says you wont get charged if you use a home line of a pay phone.) the problem is I don't have a home phone and I have never used a payphone. But I've thought about walking but the only thing stopping me is the fact that I have no idea how I will be able to leave the house with my mom not noticing and the fact that it is 110 outside and it would take me a minimum of two hours to walk to these places. What would happen if my mom were to call the police while I am going to the police or the Childhelp place. (if the police were to stop me I would tell them where I am going but they might not believe me)

Also, are only adult allowed to file a report and if so are you guys allowed too? Its been a week and nothing has happened and I think the more reports that are made the more likely Ill be out of here.

[ccsmod0]

Re: Way too much is going on

Hi again,
Thanks so much for talking with us here at the National Runaway Switchboard. You have obviously been going through so much and it's great that you're trying to keep yourself safe. If you need help making calls out to safety we can help you make outgoing calls. You would just need to call us any time of day at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Using a pay phone is no different than any other, just know that with any number thats 800 as we are, you dont have to worry about paying. You just start dialing.

It's hard to say exactly what would happen if the police were to run into you while you were trying to get help. It's different everywhere and with every police officer. If your mom calls while you're gone and they pick you up, or if they happen upon you on your way it's up to you if you want to tell them what's happening. Hopefully they would take you to the nearest safe place to help you figure it out. And if it doesn't seem like that's what they would do, you have the option of requesting it. It's unfortunately not something anyone can give a definitive answer for.

As for the reports being made, anyone can make one. You can reach out to us here if you want, the police, school, hospitals, or ChildHelp. If you have friends or relatives willing, anyone can make one.
We hope this helps, and if you would like to talk more about what is happening, we are here for you. Please don't hesitate to call us if you can at 1-800-RUNAWAY or through our chat from 4:30-11:30pm CST.
We wish you the best of luck and hope that you arrive to safety very, very soon.
NRS