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im 18 and im leaving home

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  • Originally posted by Guest View Post
    I'm 18, 19 in a month, and am at a local college. in lockdown atm so at home all the time. can't cope. dysfunctional family. emotional neglect and abuse. feeling suicidal. pet dog isn't looked after adequately, I am responsible for talking care of him emotionally eg keeping him company, no one else does. want to move out. no job; have saved up money though. will try to get a job after lockdown. feel trapped at home. have a car passed my test in February after years of lessons.
    have been talking to centrepoint and Oxfordshire safe haven. my college tutor is supporting me. I just want to know if it is possible to leave home at my age safely and have a place to live. where could I realistically live// in an apartment or flatshare? not sure.
    I can't live here anymore. my parents are... off. my mum has an undiagnosed and untreated mental health problem, and she sometimes gets so frustrated with her emotions that it comes out as extreme anger directed at me usually. my dad is not supportive on this front. she refuses to see anyone about it. has no job. dad works full time. she doesn't talk to friends/doesn't have any close friends.
    I just cant cope with it anymore. I can't do it. it's too much and has always been like this. I have been gaslighted before; I thought it was all in my head which was awful. anyway that's another long story.
    every day is a struggle to get through. I have no one to talk to at home. my car is in the driveway but mum and dad park their cars in front of mine so I can't leave. I can't talk on the phone at home cause they'd hear. I tend to drive away from home a short distance to park somewhere and then I can chat openly on the phone.
    I'm just 12, but I just can't live with my parents at my home. I just can't. They are always shouting at me for no reason and they always treat my elder brother better than me. They are always unfair. I want to run away, but how? Things are very bad during lockdown, but what can I do? I'm not even 18, and I'm having family problems. There are no adoption agencies in my country, and I'm not prepared to live in the streets. What should I do? I tried to explain this to my parents, but as usual, they ignored me. If anyone reads my quote, please advise me.

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

      We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

      Be safe,
      NRS

  • I don't know what to do

    So it's my senior year my birthday is in September, I live in Washington. I've trying to find out ways to leave for a few years. At 16 I attempted to get a job and my mom said she wouldn't drive me (we live 30 minutes away from town) that year I tried to get a ID a bank account and I wanted to take drivers ed but she said no. I asked last year if I could move across the street into the trailer so I could be more independent and she also said no. Every year I asked about the bank account and a job and she said yeah we'll do it soon but she never does. She's constantly telling me that I'm going to drop out of highschool get pregnant with 3 kids and work at a gas station for the rest of my life, but when I bring up college she tells me that I need to do this one or no you can't go to that one you have to go to this one and when I have ideas of what I want to do with my future she says no you need to do this and that. I feel like she's made it almost impossible for me to leave I don't have a car anymore it broke 2 years ago and she always says she's going to fix it but never does. She has recently made the decision that I need to do online school and stay home for my whole senior year because she doesn't want me to get corona cause i have asthma and I'm at risk I haven't been to a store since they shut down schools . If i leave i have nothing no experience no money no transportation no way to get out clean. I'm just not sure what I can do or if I can do it. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do I have no idea what I'm supposed to do in life, can I get a little help?

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like your mom has created a really restrictive environment and it makes sense that you would want some independence. It's apparent that you are a goal-oriented individual and it shows a lot of maturity.

      Venturing out on your own can be really scary and overwhelming. Some areas have agencies called transitional living programs (TLPs), that are set up to help youth become self-sufficient and a program like this could be of great benefit to you. Your safety and well-being is most important to us here at NRS and we want to make sure that you have a solid plan in place before leaving home. It’s important to consider all the possibilities that can occur if you leave home. You will need to plan out how you will cover basic necessities like travel, food, clothing, etc. If you have a place to go in mind, it’s good to see what the expectations of the living arrangement will be like; rules, the amount of time you’re allowed to stay, if you’re expected to contribute financially, etc.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you (like TLPs), please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

      We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

  • I'm 18, running away. I have money saved, my money. Not taking anything of my parents. There extremely controlling and strict. But they often ignore actually issues in my life. My plan is too leave in a month. But i was wondering if i should speak to my local police force and explain my current situation so they dont go looking for me and ruin this. Im so ready to leave but I want to make sure everything is legal and done right as there is no room for error. Is there any advice i should take?

    Comment


    • ccsmod0
      ccsmod0
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod0 commented
      Editing a comment
      Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

  • I'm 18 and I want to leave home. My mom yells all the time. I'm anxious and upset and depressed all the time. She works to pay for the college I dont want to go to so now I feel stuck. I want to leave and drop out but that's 3k down the drain but I was forced to do it no matter how much she says that I chose it and she didnt force me. She made me get a job and now trys to control my hours and threatens to control my money. She also relies on me to clean all the time and if I dont I get yelled at. I'm always being yelled at and onto of school, work and chores I need to look after my brothers when both parents are at work. I cant even hear her talk to me without getting a hum or a fuzzy noise in my ears that gets louder every time she raises her voice. I find myself crying constantly bc I dont know what I want to do in the future but I want to leave this house. I dont know what to do.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

  • I am 18 and I failed in my 12 th std now my mom wants me to work and not to clear my paper and not to study anymore because she wants to by a house.. Otherwise she is telling me to Merry with whoever she tells and if I am not doing both than she is telling me to leave the house.she always keep shouting on me and I don't have anyone's support I feel doing suicide. I want to leave my house but I don't know what I will do after that

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
      Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
      If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe and stay strong,
      NRS

  • I’m 18 and I’m Bisexual and Trans and stuck in a homophobic household.

    I’m 18, almost 19, and I can’t take living here anymore. I am a transgender male and I am also bisexual. I live in a homophobic household and I plan to leave very soon but I am terrified. I’m scared for what will happen to my youngest siblings as I am the oldest of 7. I am scared that me leaving will ruin their lives, but I need to leave if I want to continue to stay alive. I don’t want to further damage home life for my sibilants but I need to get out. I’m trying to move states as well to get far away from my parents. Any advice?

    Comment


    • ccsmod0
      ccsmod0
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod0 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe.

      We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: http://www.glbthotline.org/

      Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live.  We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

  • Hi my name is Angie. I’m new to this but I’m in a stressful situation I’m 18 and I want to leave I’ve been planning this since I was 16. My mom and her boyfriend always say how I’m a burden and when I try to leave my mom threatens to beat me if I do and honestly I hate it. I want to leave she mentally and emotionally drains me and it hurts. I’m constantly crying and it hurts. My mom moved me to California with her boyfriend and I don’t have anyone here but I want to go back to Vegas and get a job and I’m trying to start community college in Vegas. I wanted to stay with my dad but my mom tells me he doesn’t want me and that I’m a burden there too. She’s always saying how I’m horrible and that I’m a piece of ******** and she try’s to make it seem like she’s innocent. She’s always trying to make herself the victim. I want to leave though I’m still in school but since everything is online and staying that way I don’t really need to be at the house. My mom makes me feel like I’m not good enough for her or anyone.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello Angie,
      Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. It sounds like home life is stressful and we want to be able to help you find as many resources as we can. We are here to listen and help however we can.
      We can only respond to forums twice so if you would like to talk in further detail with us you can call us or chat with us via our live chat! Our number is 1800-RUNAWAY or you can go to www.1800RUNAWAY.org to find our live chat.
      Hope to hear from you soon!
      NRS

  • Almost 18 and I want to leave!

    Hello all,

    I'm currently 17 and will turn 18 in January. I've been planning to leave my family for a while for four good reasons:
    1. I am being verbally/physically abused and manipulated by both parents.
    2. My freedom and will is constantly being targeted, and restricted despite me proving for years that I am responsible enough to be granted permission to have a little freedom.
    3. The cultural differences between my parents and I cause conflicts. I was raised in the States but they are refugees from Southeast Asia.
    4. My dad is the sole breadwinner of the family however he is the most complicated parent - he has anger problems, a big ego, and believes what he says is the law. He believes he can make threats and initiate problems and get away with it (legally) and he's done and said things that are very frightening. My mom doesn't do anything regarding these threats, verbal & physical abuse due to her dependency on him.

    For example, since the pandemic. I've found the strength to express my need for independence and individualism instead of depending on mainly my father. This has caused conflict between both my parents and me. He has made threats against me, be physical and aggressive with me, and I feel unsafe. I have tried to approach him and my mother civilly to be met with violence by him. And every time this has happened, I am guilt tripped (" he works hard for you "/ "I work hard for you and you pay me back like this") into staying, apologizing, and doing nothing more despite the bruises on my skin and the mental strain these events have caused me. I've been threatened with being sent back to my home country which I have no recollection on, I've been threatened with death, I've been threatened with the threat of acid being thrown on my face. My friends have been threatened. I am mentally exhausted. I have thoughts of suicide.

    Every time I have an opinion or I try to stand my ground regarding MYSELF, I am painted as the ungrateful, selfish daughter. Just because he is the breadwinner of the family DOES NOT mean he has the right to put his hands on me or get in my face every time something doesn't go his way. His actions are NOT parenting/parental discipline.

    Recently, we got into yet another conflict regarding my partner and I, and he made threats against him and I. He then chose the physical route with me. Mom joined in. I am emotionally and physically traumatized by this event. This event caused the authorities to get involved but they didn't help at all. In fact, I was blamed for calling the police. I say they deal with the consequences of their actions. I am currently safe with my grandma waiting for the day I turn 18 so I can leave. I have a plan: who to stay with, what to do.

    This is sort of a rant but I need reassurance that I am doing the right thing for myself.

    Comment


    • ccsmod2
      ccsmod2
      Super Moderator
      ccsmod2 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi and thank you for reaching out to NRS! We are glad you shared all of this with us! Wow you have been through a lot! We are very sorry to hear about all the physical and mental abuse you have been through. You deserve to be treated with unconditional love and respect and it sounds like you are doing what is best for you to stay safe. You are absolutely right you don't deserve the treatment that has been given to you! Child help is a National Child abuse hotline you can reach out to if you would like to report the abuse or get some other resources they may have to offer you. Here is their website : childhelp.org or if you'd like to reach out directly, you can call 1-800-4-A-Child. They are available 24/7. It seems like you have thought a lot about this decision and have a plan for yourself. We wish you only the best and hope that whatever plans you have bring you happiness and contentment. Thank you again for reaching out! We hope this reply was helpful and please feel free to get back in touch with us at anytime. We are available 24/7 through chat or call us at 1-800-runaway. Thanks NRS!
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