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im 18 and im leaving home

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  • So I turned 18 last semester when I started my first year of college. Me and my parents got along but college didn’t work out and I ended up wasting a lot of there money. For a while I lived in an apartment (payed by them) with my boyfriend while I was in college but I had absolutely no drive to go to school anymore. I hated every second of it so I ended up not passing my second semester and they just now forced me to move back home. Living with my boyfriend was the happiest I’ve ever been. He is my best friend, my rock, my motivation, and we both 100% see ourselves getting married and we cannot stand living apart. But he now lives 3 hours away from me, all my parents do is criticize me and me relationship and my life decisions, and I didn’t want to live with them in the first place because they’re extremely conservative and I’m an atheist. They don’t consider 18 to be adult whatsoever and continue to pry into my life and treat me like a child. I have plans for my future to go into real estate and cosmetology school but living away from me boyfriend and living under there roof has been so hard on me that I don’t even want to leave my bedroom. And they act like moving away from him wasn’t hard on me when we literally lived together for months. My boyfriend lives at his dads and I’ve lived there with him before as well and his dad loves me and tells me I’m always welcome whenever I need a place and all I ever want to do anymore is get in my car and go live there with him. But I’m stuck feeling like I HAVE to stay here because they wasted money on me going to college. Help

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through a really stressful situation right now. We are glad that you decided to reach out to us at this time.

      It sounds like you are having a difficult time with your parents. You are and adult and you have the right to make your own decisions. Family counseling can be helpful in many situations. If you call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and they can provide any counseling resources. We also offer a conference call service where you can call us and us conference call with you and your parents and try to advocate for you. It sounds like you have boyfriend who cares about you and willing to let you stay there. Leaving home can be hard in many situations. Paying for expenses and getting a place to stay can be hard without have a stable job. It can be helpful to check with your boyfriend and his dad if you moving there for a long term basis would be fine with them. If it might be an option for you, you could also us at our 24 hour confidential hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we can talk to you in detail, explore your options and provide any resources.

      You are acting strong in this stressful situation by reaching out for help before taking any steps. We wish you the best and hope to hear from you soon.
      We hope this response was helpful! We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey.

      Tell us what you think about your experience!
      https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

      Best,
      NRS

  • I’m 17 years old and I need help. I no longer want to be home because I feel like a prisoner. I’m not allowed to hang out with my friends and if I do my parents threaten me and emotionally blackmail me that I’m the reason they’re going to die soon. It’s heartbreaking to hear especially since they don’t trust me but I don’t do anything wrong. It’s ruining a lot of my friendships because I make lame excuses to not socialize with them all because I barely leave my house, or even better yet my room. I get yelled at all the time by my parents that I’m a failure and they yell hurtful things at me and my siblings do as well. I’ve only been allowed out of my house twice this summer and only for about an hour each and that too I have to send my parents pictures of proof of where I am. Even when I’m upset and really want to talk to a friend I get in trouble. I can’t text so much in front of them, answer calls, or even just hang out with my friends at my own house. I’m living in my own deppression and this emotional abuse is too much to handle. I’ve rounded so many friendships and now I’m left with nothing but my four walls to talk to. I need help. I went to make an appointment with a psychologist and my parents had a really big problem with it and so did my siblings. My mom wanted to come with me to talk to the psychologist and told her I was perfectly fine. She talked to me alone but I’m not regularly allowed to see her. Every decision of my life is controlled even the universities I applied to were picked for me and the one I will be attending. I have no say in anything and I’m not allowed to drive. My house is my prison I need help.

    Comment


    • ccsmod10
      ccsmod10 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there

      Thanks for reaching out to us. We know how hard it can be to ask for help, but we’re glad you came to us since we’re here to help. It sounds like you’re having a really hard time, and can imagine it has be very difficult to feel like you are a prisoner.

      There are things that might be able to help. You mentioned how being emotionally blackmailed and that they aren’t trusting you. It could help to try another conversation and just let them know exactly how you’re feeling. Another option and a service we offer here is conference calling. If you were to call us, we could have a conference call with you and your parents and try to help mediate. Sometimes people find this very useful. We are here 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929.
      It could help too to talk to the other adults that know your parents and you could relay how you’re feeling. That could help relay the message to your parents about how you’re doing. If there is a teacher or resource at school like a counselor that could help also. It sounds like you’ve tried with a therapist also, but your parents won’t let you talk alone with them. We could also provide you some therapist and psychology resources also if you call into us.

      Lastly, it can really help to take your mind off things with things like listening to music, watching movies, reading, or playing sports. You said your parents are not allowing time with friends, but some of these others things may help take your mind off things.

      Hopefully these are some helpful options, and remember we are here 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929.

      Best of luck!

  • I just turned 18 and I’m ready to leave here i live with my grandma she drinks a lot and my aunt is really sick but she’s mean to me a lot I’m not aloud to go out and do anything I’m always forced to stay home she tells me I’m not grown and that as long as i live under her roof I’ll be doing what she says i love talking to my mom but they don’t like me talking to my mom i don’t want to live with my mom i want to get out of here but i have no where to go i have to wait until I’m out of school to leave this is my last year of school

    Comment


    • ccsmod6
      ccsmod6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear about your situation and will do what we can to help.
      It seems like you are looking to leave home at 18. Typically the age of majority, or the legal age of an adult is 18. However, we are not legal experts and in some states this does vary. One helpful tool to check the age of majority in your state is https://sexetc.org/action-center/sex-in-the-states/ . This website may be able to give you some helpful information about what is the legal age of an adult in your state. If you are still not old enough to be legally an adult your grandmother or your legal guardian may still be able to file a runaway report on you. This would possibly be a status offense and usually does not come with jail time or stay on your record. The police would usually return you home if they found you. If you are the legal age of an adult and would like to leave home before you finish that last year of school you may be able to find some shelters of transitional living programs in your area. We can try to help you locate those if you call in to our hotline at 1800-RUNAWAY, or chat with us at 1800runaway.org.
      We hope this information was helpful to you. We are a confidential agency that is open 24/7 and is toll free. We wish you the best.
      -NRS

  • M 18....m not allowed to choose my carrier....I want to be in commerce ...want to do bba...want to clear jmd entrance ....want to do job ......want to be in marketing line.....m not allowed to do so......m done with all this...I wanna leave home...but I m scared my father will file missing report...there should be legal procedure of leaving home...they have good will in society ....I m scared of all.this

    Comment


    • ccsmod11
      ccsmod11 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thanks for reaching out to us. It appears you are having difficulties leaving home where you live, and we're upset to hear that this is compromising your independence. It appears that you have reached out to us from somewhere outside of the U.S., and as a result, we are unfamiliar with the laws that apply to you and we are unfamiliar with the legal systems of your nation. As a result, you may want to reach out to resources that service your country, as we are simply not equipped to do so.

      Best,
      NRS

  • I am 18 and things got really bad at home. I left and they always told me that if I left I would be cut off of insurance and they wouldn't cosign my loans for college. Now I know what college I want to go to and everything but I do not know what my next step is. My mother always handled that so I am lost. She filled out the FASFA papers, do they still apply to me? Should I contact the school and see what I should do? I am so lost, please help..

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello there,
      Thank you for reaching out to NRS and having the strength to share your story with us. We are sorry to hear about your situation and what you’ve been dealing with. Ideally, home would be a place where people feel safe, loved, and valued, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been very courageous to reach out for help and try your best despite the circumstances.
      In terms of college financial resources and outreach, NRS is not an expert, but we can give you a general outlook on your options. First, once your FAFSA has been filed, a parent cannot nullify it. However, next time you want to file for FAFSA you may have issues putting in income tax and social security information that only your mother would have access to. If you were to contact the school, most schools have a bursar office with financial aid officers, people who understand what school financial aid resources are available to you, how to fill out your FAFSA in the future, and may be able to point you to additional financial support if available.

      If you would like to talk about other resources and support, feel free to call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.
      We hope this information was helpful and take care.
      National Runaway Safeline
      [email protected] (Crisis Email)
      1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

  • I've recently turned 18, and am a senior in high school. To put it in simple terms, I've never got along with my parents, and lately things have only gotten more stressful at home.
    My parents have only ever been physically and psychologically abusive, and I've attempted running away several times, only to come crawling back because of my forced dependency on them. I have a part-time job, however, I am not allowed to open a bank account, so therefore all my money is immediately deposited into my parents account instead. Meaning, I have no money whatsoever. I am not allowed to learn to drive. I'm not allowed out of the house without permission, even just to go check the mail. I have several location trackers embedded in my phone that I can't turn off, because they have set my phone up to link up to theirs- they get all my messages, photos, location, etc... I know that since I'm 18, I can move out or deny my parents such access to control my life, but even if I attempted once to stand for myself, I'd get beaten with a belt to submission.

    College is coming up, and personally, I wish to attend a local community college for the first two years while living in an apartment with some friends to split rent. However, my parents are planning to send me off to a University and make -me- pay the entirety of it. How am I even suppose to do that, when I'm not even allowed to have a bank account? When they've been stealing my money for the past two years? I know I could use this University to get out of the house, but I cannot bring myself to apply anywhere, as if I could pay for the application fee myself.

    I'm just trying to get out of my house as soon as I can at this point. If I'm not allowed to be a person in the house, then I'll figure out how to be one by myself. I just have no idea where to start. No where to go. No money, no transportation, no safe place where they can't find me. I'm so scared of them. I'm so tired of getting black eyes and bloody noses and I'm tired of the mental damage it has given me. I've always been a good kid and a good student but lately my depression has made me do impulsive things to make me feel better, which has only gotten me in even more trouble at home. I'm getting very desperate to leave. But I'm too scared to leave.

    I'm thankful for any advice, please. Thank you for your time.

    Comment


    • ccsmod3
      ccsmod3 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline and sharing a little bit about what is going. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and especially in a time where you have a really tough and complex situation. We are here for you and will support you in anyway that we can. Please feel free to call into us directly as we can talk further and more in depth about your situation and find resources that are best for you in your area. Stay strong and you are not alone in this! Our hotline ( 1-800-RUNAWAY) and chat are open 24/7.

  • I’ve just turned 18 and I have wanted to leave home for a while now. While my family aren’t abusive, we argue constantly and I can’t have an opinion that differs from them and when I try to tell my mother something or ask her to be nicer she turns it on herself and starts crying and I end up comforting her. My dad regularly tells me I’m stupid or annoying and they ignore me when I tell them anything(my dad explicitly told me he never listens to me cause I don’t know what I’m talking about) on top of all of this I am transgender and I can’t come out because they think it’s a weird sex thing and that transgender people are not real. I hate having to live as a girl and I have such bad anxiety over it and depression. I live in Ireland and I want to go to the UK but I have no clue how to do it and how afford it. (I have some money from my part time job, but not a lot) I’ve. Even trying to leave for over a year now and now I’m eighteen I think it’s finally time

    Comment


    • ccsmod5
      ccsmod5 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi, there,
      Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about your situation. It’s awful that your parents aren’t giving you the support you need. You deserve to be supported in your needs and to have your parents understand and accept your gender identity. Here at NRS, we are limited in our knowledge of Ireland’s runaway/general legal policies. You might consider visiting your local Childline site at childline.ie. You can call them at 1800666666 or text 50101. They also have a live messaging system on their website. We hope that you are able to contact them to think about your options. We wish you all the best.
      Sincerely,

      NRS

  • I turned 18 on November 4th and I want to leave home. I live with my mother and I hate it. I love my mom and my entire family but I can't take it here anymore. I have some legal issues I have to take care of before going anywhere. But, after the new years goes by I wont have any reason to stay. I just don't have a job, any money saved, or a plan. But I hear about people just packing a bag and going. I just don't know if that would work for me. I'm willing to try though. I guess the reason I'm posting on here is because I'm trying to see if anyone has any ideas or maybe is going through/has gone through the same thing and has any advice that might help in any way.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 12-29-2018, 01:31 AM.

    Comment


    • Reply: I turned 18 on November 4th


      Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

      Being an adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. Good for you. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to go at it alone.
      Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses.

      It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.
      If you would like to speak more about your situation and formulate a plan, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or www.1800runaway.org

      Take care,
      NRS

      We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us
      Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

      National Runaway Safeline
      [email protected] (Crisis Email)
      1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

      Tell us what you think about your experience!
      https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

      Comment


      • I’m eight-teen and my father treats me like I’m two, I can’t go out and when I do its never fun because I feel like I’m gonna get in trouble, he always so petty with me and I just can’t handle it I wanna run away because I’m just scared of him snapping again, I wanna feel safe and not cry everyday.. He’s mad because I don’t talk to him but he scares me I always remember him throwing me into a wall... I just wanna leave.
        Last edited by ccsmod4; 01-24-2019, 01:42 AM.

        Comment


        • Reply: I’m eight-teen and my father treats me like I’m two

          Hello,
          Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

          We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It is times like these that would be nice to have a listening ear. It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care. You have the right to want to feel safe and not live in fear. 18 is the legal age to move out without parental consent but if you were to do that you might consider having a plan of action to survive. Leaving to be on your own is a big decision.
          We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat so that we might learn a little more about your situation and explore options with you. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

          Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

          We hope to hear from you soon.

          Take care,
          NRS

          We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us
          Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

          National Runaway Safeline
          [email protected] (Crisis Email)
          1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

          Tell us what you think about your experience!
          https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

          Comment


          • I’m 18 and I am still living at home. My mom treats me like I am a 12 year old and tells me what to do. I’ve tried to tell her that I would appreciate some freedom and space, but that just makes her mad. I’ve been very responsible too, I made all A’s last semester and took AP and honors classes... I do my chores and she has no reason not to trust me... I’ve done everything I can to prove that I am responsible, yet she still treats me like a kid. I can’t move out yet because I am going to college next year. I don’t want to take a year off because I want to get an engineering degree and get a job out of college. I really just want to be able to do what I want and be treated like an 18 year old... How am I supposed to deal with her bossing me around? It feels like all we do is fight and it would be nice if she could just be leniant.

            Comment


            • ccsmod1
              ccsmod1 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hey there,

              Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like you’re hardworking and very responsible. It seems like it’s really frustrating to be denied personal space.

              You stated that you’ve tried bringing this issue up with your mom before but that it makes her upset. It may be a good idea to try discussing this with your mom while using a mediator. This could be any person who could be seen as an objective 3rd party; family member, school counselor, therapist, etc. We can help mediate too, you can also call into us here at NRS and we can arrange a conference call with your mom.

              If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

              All the best,
              NRS

          • So I have 2 weeks and five days till
            my 18th birthday and I’m over it and about to run away I work at the post office and minimally make 1200 every two weeks I make enough to support myself. But my mom threatened to call the cops and report me missing if I did. She also took whatever money I had in my account so I can’t leave and the car I bought is under their name Bc I cannot legally have the title under my name. I’m stuck, I don’t know what to do. Is it plausible for me to leave at this moment or should I tough it out a little longer and when I turn 18 is there anyway I can force them to give me the title if my brother is willing to testify that I paid for it.

            Comment


            • ccsmod3
              ccsmod3 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hi thank you so much for reaching out. It sounds like you're in a tough situation and its perfectly understandable why you want to leave. If you do leave before turning 18, technically your parents would have the right to file a runaway report with the police. If you're found before you turn 18, then it is likely you will be returned to your parents. Some police departments don't make 17 year olds go back to their parents, but the best way to know for sure is to contact your local police department's non emergency line. It is great that you are making enough to support yourself for when you leave. If you can, establishing your own bank account might be a good idea. That way your parents can't move your money around. You might be able to get the title to your car once you turn 18, but you will probably need legal help. We would be happy to look up legal resources for you at any time over the phone at 1800RUNAWAY or over chat. Thank you again for reaching out.

          • Hi, I need advice PLEASE. I'm a 19 year old girl and I'm currently living at home with my parents and 3 brothers. My parents don't want me to move out. I'm cooped up here, feel caged in. My parents have been very religious people since before I was born. I was homeschooled, I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend, I'm not allowed to wear pants outside the house, and I have to be involved in the church they go to. But I don't want the kind of life they have. I want my own life. I want a normal life. I'm not happy. I also want to choose my own career - I want to be a nurse but they don't want me to become one. I try and talk to them about everything, but we just have heated arguments when we try and talk about it. Whenever I talk of moving out they say they would take my car away, and they would call the police. But will the police do anything? My friend said I could stay with her. It's a good place, I'd be safe there so I don't know why they are prohibiting me from leaving.

            If I moved out though I wouldn't want them to know where I am because they would show up there. My mom said she would send my dad to get me and bring me home. Do I have to tell them where i go? I feel terrible for feeling this way because it's my fault and I don't want to hurt them. I still love them, but i dont know what to do. I've wanted to move out for 3 years, so I think I have hit a climax. I don't want the kind of life they have, and I don't know how to go about leaving. I have two good jobs, extremely hardworking and smart, but I'm not allowed to work nights, and I always have to be home by 11 every night.
            It's just becoming too much because i want to live my own life. And I want distance from them for a little while. How do I say I need distance without hurting them, and without them calling the police on me, or trying to find out where I am? If i don't want to tell them where I am, they will say I am lying, and am just getting myself into trouble, so they would find me because they say they care. I know they do care, but I'm an adult, I can handle myself, I'm smart, I'd be staying with a friend, I'd be safe, all I would really be doing is working so I can afford my own place and get a car to replace the one they would take away.

            Comment


            • ccsmod2
              ccsmod2 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hello there,

              Thank you for contacting us through our online forum. It sounds like a really stressful situation at home. No one deserves to feel trapped or caged in at home. Home is a place where you should feel safe and comfortable. It’s understandable that you would want to leave that environment but also feel bad about it, given that they are your family.

              Since you are 19, you are considered a legal adult and can leave without your parents’ consent. Your friends place sounds like a safe place for you to go but you may want to consider long-term options since you do not plan to come back home. Moving out is a big responsibility and we want to make sure you understand what that entails.
              Your parents can call the police but they would not be able to assist them to bring you home given your legal age. You mentioned being worried about your family coming to get you if they know where you are, they can try- but if you call the police, they would request they leave on your behalf given your legal age and ability to decide where you stay. If you would like help coming up with a safe plan to leave, please do not hesitate to reach out. It can become tricky given the way your family feels about the situation, however, from a legal standpoint, there is nothing they can do. You can also call the local police station and see how they handle situations like this.
              NRS is here to listen and here to help. If you would like to speak more about your situation you can reach out to NRS at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or www.1800Runaway.org.

              Best,
              NRS


              Take care,
              NRS

          • I am 18 years old. I am writing to you because I want to make sure I am not overreacting. I live in a home with seven siblings and two parents. One parent is amazing but isn't really loud to help with the discipline or even have a say in it. The other parent is very controlling. When I was 15 I got a shared bank account with the parent that is controlling. I pay for the phone bill, My insurance, grocery's occasional. I found out he stole $2,615 out of my savings. I confronted them saying I was getting my own account. My Controlling parent reacted horrible and somehow said I owe them money. That I was a petty snot. The parent continued saying that I should be apologizing and be more honoring to them. The parent said that they are cutting me out of the phone plan and the insurances plan. That means I will have to find new plans. This is just one of the many problems that have happened in the last month. I was wondering if it is time for me to move out? I feel hopeless and feel like I can't be honest with them.

            Comment


            • ccsmod7
              ccsmod7 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hello –

              Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline. We understand that it takes great courage to reach out. We are sorry to hear about the way you have been treated. It sounds difficult to have to deal with a parent who may not be looking out for your best interest. It sounds like the mistreatment at home is becoming difficult to deal with.

              In regards to your next steps, there are a few options of where to go from here. The first thing you can do, is look to improve life at home. One way to do this would be by discussing with your parents what has been bothering you. Another is utilizing NRS’ conference call service. This conference call service is a moderated conversation between you, a member of the NRS, and your parents. In this conversation you set the guidelines and goals in order to have a productive conversation that can improve your conditions at home.

              Another option, given you are usually considered a legal adult at 18, is to look for living situations outside of your parents house. Not knowing what your financial situation is like, you can either look to friends or other family members, look to get a place on your own, or enter a transitional living program in your area to help get you started living independently of your parents.

              To discuss each of these options in more detail you can call us on our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are confidential, anonymous, and non-direct. We can also be reached via live chat between 4:30pm and 11:30pm CST.

              Best Wishes
              ~NRS
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