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  • Transsexual teenager

    I am transsexual and I'm considering running away. I'm going to turn 18 soon so I'm thinking of "running away" as an adult. It might be hard but I think I'll be able to support myself somehow? Aren't people supposed to move out anyway when they turn 18? I'm just gonna leave and never come back.
    I never had a pleasant relationship with my mother. I even hate her at times. We just can't get along though I understand that she has a lot of pressure to cope with to. My parents were going to divorce when I was in kindergarten and early in grade school, or it was rather my mother wanting to devorce my father since he wasn't successful at his career, which was partly due to his failure at launching his own business after quitting the day job, but also that the government stopped funding the program he was involved in and that he took a lot of time off to take care of me while my mother seldom showed up when I was little and stayed mainly with my paternal grandparents. My mother used to ask me whom I'd choose to live with if they were going to separate, when I was in kindergarten and first or second grade in grade school and I'd always say I would choose my father, since I didn't want them to divorce. Now I think it was probably a bad thing that I did. Now nobody in the family is really happy and I think I ruined my mother's marriage life and my father's career. I don't feel too guilty though, just a bit pity. I wish my father didn't marry my mother. Things turned out good for me as my mother has the finiancial capabitlity to send me to a good private high school, but I really wouldn't have been able to take it to live with her alone. I don't get along with her at all, and I do like my father much better. My mother and I just have different approaches to dealing stuff and handling issues and we just hav different mindsets and think differently. I also think my mother is a bit "different" since she is very superficial, showy (I think it's because she's insecure which is understandable though), and a Communist. She and her sister, my aunt, also have a hard time dealing with their mother. They love grandmother and she loves them but the mother-daughter relationship never works out for them for they just think and react to things differently it is hard for them to get along.

    Anyway in a word, I just don't like my mother much and I don't like her side of the family. She loves me but it's only because I'm her child and she doesn't like me at all as a person. Whenever I act like myself she hates it and thinks I'm under "bad influence" from some "bad friends". I don't really have friends per se, and I don't want friends whatsoever. Nobody knows I'm transsexual and all. I've seen multiple counselors and therapists and they are trying to figure out why I'm depressed, but I just won't tell them I'm transsexual. I'm just waiting to be 18 then I can move away and disappear and get sex reassignment surgery then I'll be perfectly happy and okay. I'll be okay. But not with my family hanging around. My mother is strongly oppose to anything that is out of the norm, homosexuals and transsexuals included.
    I'm okay with my father, and I even love him a lot. But I don't think I have a choice. My family is very traditional and my paternal grandmother is almost the most liberal of all and she thinks homosexuals are not natural, let alone transsexuals. She's nice and all and I like her. My father's side of the family I'm fine with. My grandparents and my aunt, my cousin, I like them and they like me because of my personality, unlike my mother, who loves her child but hates my personality. I'd rather let them know that I ran away than coming out to them. I would keep contact with only my father's family if I could I think, but my parents aren't divorced and even with all the transsexual issue aside I don't want to see my mother ever again.

    I've been thinking of the plan for many years since I was in middle school and I have thought things over and I think I have to make the hard choice to leave my family forever, heavy-heartedly. I wonder though do many governmental forms ask for information of your parents even if you are an adult? Do the banks check your background to see if it's true when they ask for your mother's maiden name? I'd hate it if I ever have to provide information of my parents again after I do run away from home. If I just withdrawal from the college and pack up and leave, or transfer to some other one, do they have to tell my parents? If I say I'm going to start my transaction as a transsexual and haven't come out to my family and need some time and space before I ever contact them again would the college conseal the information from my family? And would the police take a missing person report or something if it is clear that I just run away and am an adult by then? Because my mother is paying for my college even if I wasn't transsexual I would have probably wanted to withdraw anyway.. I think even if I wasn't transsexual I'd probably want to run away for I really dislike, even despite my mother. And the fact I am transsexual just pushes me more towards that path.

  • #2
    Re: Transsexual Teenager

    Hello,
    Thanks for reaching out to our bulletin boards and sharing your story. Sounds like you've been having to bear a lot of uncomfortable things at home. You talked a lot about the way people treat you and how you don't get along with them...who around you CAN you trust and rely on? If your relatives are people that might not be close to you, are there folks that you can rely on for support?

    And you're correct! In most states, at the age of 18, a person has aged into adulthood and therefore allowed to move and live wherever they'd like to do that. So it's not considered running away but if you leave suddenly, people that don't know about your wherabouts might put a missing person's report on you. Do you think that your mom would file such a report? Would you try and avoid that by telling her that you're intentionally leaving?

    And if all went well and you did leave, do you know where'd you'd go and what you'd do? You said you wanted to get reassignment surgery...are there resources that you know of that can support you with that? Here are some thing we found that might be helpful:

    GLBT National Hotline 1-888-843-4564
    GenderTrust http://gendertrust.org.uk/

    If you'd like to get more localized resources, please reach out to our hotlines at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and let us know your city/state and we can provide more supportive contacts for you. You can also reach out to our live chat service and chat with someone online between 430pm-1130pm.

    Best of luck. Hope ot hear from you soon.
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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    • #3
      Thanks a lot for replying!
      No, nobody knows... I came out to a close friend two years ago and I ended up breaking up the friendship with him. It was just awkward and uncomfortable, although he did try his best to provide support - he was open-minded and nonjudgmental and all... I guess it was because I was planning to start a new life after the surgery after all? Like, I wouldn't want anybody to know I used to be of the opposite sex after transition. And since I'm deciding to leave even my family behind, I think I'm going to start fresh.
      I do have some online friends though that know me as my desired gender. And communication with them is pretty much what supports me and keeps me sane.

      I think my plan is to move to San Fran and seek help from a lawfirm there that files lawsuits for LGBT people. I'm not a citizen and I'm going to try getting a asylee status first, since in my home country although transgender people aren't actively punished and they can even go through the surgery process and lawfully change their sex, they are discriminated against by the vast majority and it's impossible to get a job or anything if one comes out of the closet per-op.
      So I'm going to try that... I don't know if my mother can file a missing person report as I am not a citizen? And I don't know if the embassy will be involved... If I withdraw that'd make me illegal, so I don't know. Probably I should transfer just to keep my status legal while filing for asylum. I'm still trying to figure out my plan.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Transsexual Teenager

        Good to hear back from you! We're glad we were able to help you work through some of this situation, and hear that you have made some progress toward forming a plan. If you want to talk more, feel free to call us anytime 1-800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Don't forget the option to chat online with us too; the chat lines are open every day from 4:30pm to 11:30pm (Central time).
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

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