I'd like to run away

[KuriousKat]

Here's my deal.
I honestly would like to keep running away as a last resort. To me, it seems cheap, irresponsible, and ridiculous. However, if I have to, I will leave.
My family situation is like this: My parents have been divorced for a year. I was told by my mother(my main custodial guardian) that the court would ask us(My brother and I) about which parent we wanted to live with. However, as the meeting came around and the decisions were made, not once was I ever asked in front of any kind of legal court about who I wanted to live with.
Now, as a year has passed, I have come to understand a lot about my situation. I am depressed and suicidal, and living in my mother's care has only made this worse. I'm not sure living in my father's care will be much better though. I honestly wish my mother would take the time to pay attention to my brother and I. I wish she would realize I'm not "fine". Is it terribly wrong for me to hope that by running away, my mother will pay attention? I want to be viewed as a responsible person, and I know this will make me look like a child if I do, but at the same time, if I don't take any actions, I'll live this way until I kill myself. Please, advice?

[ccsmod0]

Re: I'd like to run away

Hi there,
Thanks you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Switchboard. You sound very stressed out and upset and we are so sorry that you are going through all of this, we are glad though, that you have come to us.

So you mentioned that when you went to court you were supposed to be involved more in the process of where you and your brother would be placed in the divorce, but that in the end you were not asked at all. That had to be frustrating for you both on top of the divorce being so stressful on your whole family.

You have said that through this last year you've come to more of an understanding about how you have been feeling; that you are depressed and suicidal. Is this something that you have been speaking to anyone about? Like a counselor? Outside of the possibility of getting some long-term help (if you choose to do so) you can always call the National Suicide Hotline to talk about not only the idea of suicide but also the depression you have been experiencing at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

So unfortunately we cannot give you advice. We can, however, talk with you about your options and try to help you with some beneficial resources. Have you ever tried to sit down with your mom and at least express your feelings of her not giving you the attention that you need? Or is there anyone else that you feel comfortable with that may be able to help you speak with her?

No one can tell you whether or not running away is going to be the best thing for you, as you are the only one who can really know. You said you want that to be a last resort so there may be some other options we can help you come up with if we can get the opportunity to speak with you. We would really like to help you try and figure all of this out the best we can if you can call us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are 24/7 and free from any payphone as well as anonymous and confidential. If nothing else we want to make sure you have a way to stay safe. You can also reach us through chat from 4:30-10 pm CST everyday.

We really hope to hear from you soon so we can further help you think this through.
Good luck, NRS