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  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,
    Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now. It can be stressful when someone is taking the majority of you mother’s time and you feel that you do not get to hang out with her or see her much.
    One option you could consider is talking to her about how you feel, she may not realize how this is affecting you. Another option is to talk to her about doing something just the two of you, whether it is watching a movie or getting food together. At NRS we also offer conference calling where you call us and we can call out to your mother and help you have a productive conversation. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to mediate the conversation.
    We hope this will help you out with your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore your options please give us a call. We are here to help and here to listen. We wish you the best of luck!
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mom is never home, she’s always with her boyfriend every single day. Whenever i want to hangout with her, she agrees with me but then, few hours later she cancels unless her boyfriend joins. The only time she is home is if he goes to her house. They lied to me once about where they were going and i talked to her about it but she kept saying thats not true. Every time i hangout with them both she tries to argue with me, i hate it whenever she does it. Ever since she started dating him I barley see her or she just doesn’t pay attention to me and it hurts me because all i want is a good relationship with her, we always argue and get mad at each other. They always want alone time or kick me out. Whenever I’m at her boyfriends house with my mom she always lets me stay for 10-20 minutes then she would take me home. I feel like its my fault and thats another reason why she ignores me and pay attention. I just want all of us to be happy.

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  • ccsmod1
    replied
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We're sorry to hear about how you've been feeling about your mom since she got the new boyfriend. It can be really hard to have new transitions especially when you are protective of her and want her to be happy. It can be difficult to have a conversation with your mom if you're afraid of how she might react if you tell her all of these feelings. Sometimes it can be helpful to have another adult around when you’re trying to talk to your mom so that they can stand up for you and try to keep the conversation calm and fair. That person could be a guidance counselor, other family member, or any other adult you trust. Here at NRS, we also offer a conference call service and can help you have that conversation with your mom. Our number is 1-800-786-2929. You can call us 24/7. Your feelings are valid, and we are here to help you express those to her if you need us.

    Best,

    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Okay, so my mom recently got divorced from a VERY toxic relationship with my dad. She had three kids my brother,18, me, and my little sister. In June she started seeing this guy and I met him a week later and I swear I haven’t gone a week without seeing him since. As a matter of fact, we just got back from a vacation with him and his daughters in Florida. Mind you, this is a month and a half after they met. I personally like that’s WAY too fast. The whole trip they were joined at the hip calling each other Babe and all which I’m fine with but they slept in the same bed (there was another bed empty so he had an option) Which makes me very uncomfortable considering they met not even two months ago. Now my brother is leaving for college and he is going with my mom to drop him off. (My brother is t too fond of him because he is protective of my mother because of her relationship with my dad and the horrible things he’s done. I’m protective of her as well hence the reason I’m writing this) I think him going to drop him off at college isn’t really his place and that should be a moment between just my brother and my mom since they are VERY close. And he’s going to my brothers going away party which is not a problem to me. I did ask my mom to go tomorrow to get our nails done and have a fun day together (just me and her) but she has to go somewhere to help her boyfriends mom. So I have to watch my sister til she gets back then she had to go register me for school and get my brother ready for college because she still hasn’t done that because she’s been wrapped up in her boyfriend. So I don’t think he can fit that into her schedule which is fine considering she’s gettin ready to send her first child into college and from what I understand, it’s very hard. Anyways I just feel like they need to take it more slow. Don’t get me wrong he’s a great guy and has done nothing wrong I just feel like she’s spending so much time with him she’s forgetting that me and my siblings want a little of her attention too. And considering the relationship she was in with my father was brutal and definitely put a dent in her happiness, I’m so excited that she’s happy I just feel like 2 months is not enough time to be at the stage they’re at in the relationship, my parents got divorced in March and she met him in June and it’s august and we’re already going on vacations with him. That, for me, makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want her to rush into it and her get hurt again because she does so much for us. I guess this might be nothing but I needed to rant and get this off my chest because I feel like my mom is being taken away and it is NOT a good feeling at all. Please respond and tell me if I am reading to much into this or not. Thanks.

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for reaching out to us. We’re so sorry to hear that you’ve been told to leave your home. It sounds like your mom hasn’t supported you in staying home and you’re unsure about where you can go. We can go over some options you might have, and we definitely encourage you to give us a call or send us a chat if you’d like more detailed information.

    If you are considered a minor in your state, your legal guardian would be the person that houses you. If your mom is your legal guardian, she is required to either house you herself or find you another place to stay. If you are a minor and she or her boyfriend kicked you out of your home, one option you have is to reach out to your local police department and report that you’ve been locked out. If you don’t want to remain at home, another option might be exploring whether friends or family in the area would be willing to take you in. if that’s not something you feel comfortable with, we can help you look into things like transitional living program, or TLP. TLPs provide you shelter for a longer period of time, and typically encourage you to continue in school and/or look for work. TLPs are there to help you get on your feet and become independent. If you are a minor in your state, you would need your mom’s consent before staying in a TLP. If you are not a minor in your state, you’d be able to reach out to them directly to find out if they have space available and make arrangements to go through an intake interview.

    If you’d like to discuss what resources are available in your area, please don’t hesitate to give us a call or send us a chat. We are available 24/7 at 800-RUNAWAY (786.2929), as well as by chat every day from 4:30pm – 11:30pm CST. We wish you the very best of luck. Stay safe!

    -NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    my mom's boyfriends told me I'm not welcome at the house anymore and that he wants me out. my mom isn't standing up for me, and I'm not moving to my dads or leaving my hometown. thinking of telling her then leaving after school one day, but I have nowhere to go. I want to leave the house but still attend work and school. what should I do?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey,
    Thanks for reaching out. It definitely sounds like this is an uncomfortable and stressful situation for you, and it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. It sounds like you have a solid relationship with your mom, but lately have struggled to share how you’ve been feeling because the boyfriend is always there. Some options you might consider are writing her an email or a letter sharing how you’ve been feeling, or perhaps taking her out to coffee or dinner to talk about things on your own. Yet another option is to use our conference call service. If you give us a call, we can reach out to your mom and try to facilitate a productive conversation where you both feel heard.
    You mention wanting to live on your own. You might consider staying in a dorm if that is a possibility (if this is not an option financially, you may consider talking to your school’s financial aid office). Another option is to stay in a transitional living program, which is similar to a shelter but is more long term. If you give us a call, we’d be happy to look for a program in your area.
    Thank you again for reaching out. If you would like to talk about your situation further or need help locating resources, please always feel free to call us. Our number is 1-800-786-2929, and we are open 24/7. We wish you the best of luck. If you have a minute, we would so appreciate your feedback of our forum services at the following link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think . Your feedback really helps us serve other young people like yourself.
    Stay strong!

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Well my mom recently got a boyfriend and they've been together for 3 months and they're ready to get married. They said they were a few months later but they'v agreed on getting married later this month. Her boyfriend seemed like he was rushing to get married the first month guess he feels like he'll die or something and he HAS to get married. He's 10 years older than my mom and I heard they've known each other when they were younger, like she was a kid and he was older. Anyways he' been to prison for drugs like 3 times and he still sells it..unfortunately. Random people pop up at our house to see him to buy/sell. He talks crazy to the people he sells it to and I don' think that's a good idea to do. My mom doesn't sell drugs and she doesn't want him to do it either but I feel he won't stop even after their marriage...They'e been into several arguments and broken up and got back together over petty things. My mom even asked me did I think she should marry him. I feel she should wait awhile to make sure she should marry him, but she's an adult and she can be with whoever she wants and decide what she can tolerate. Her bf has anger issues and gets offended easily. He even went off on one of his best friends because of a dirty towel and I told my mom I feel he' do the same with me one day. He can be too open about their sex life and I told my mom to tone that down because it's too cringy to hear. My mom didn' have the best relationships in the past but now all of a sudden she wants to get married because "he treats her better than the others". I do think he does nice things for her and provide her with things but he can assume her of doings that she didn't say or do. I think she thought I was uncomfortable around him because she said my demeanor changed but I'm not and I guess I feel I couldn't really talk to her like I used to because everytime she comes home from work, he's at the door too and he' over the whole time and I barely talk to her he has all her time and when he leaves, she's about to go to sleep I'm like ok then...But their relationship is up and down being together and seperated. I don' know if I have the energy to car anymore because after she says "she' done with him" they get back together a few days later like I already knew what was going to happen. But they're making plans of getting a one bedroom apartment for him and her so she can help me and my brother financially with things. So I gotta move in with my brother while they have their apartment together. She feels it'l be cheaper getting an apartment but I feel the place we're at now is cheaper than the apartment she's looking at. But nothing I can do I think I'd rather stay with my bro than with them at the moment, they might be too openly sexual especially the bf. I wish I could get my own place I'm old enough to(20) but don' have the money, I have a part time job that's starting to suck and I'm also in college so yeah. But I just hope my mom doesn't regret this relationship/possible marriage.

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  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there. Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through a difficult situation. It sounds like you really love your mom and want her to be happy, but you are feeling alone and want your mom to be more present in your life. You said when you bring this up to your mom she says you will be fine living by yourself. Have you told your grandparents or your dad about how you are feeling? Perhaps they would be able to help with the situation. You could also seek out a counselor. You can check with your school to see if they have a counselor you can talk to. Another option is here at National Runaway Safeline we do conference calls. We could work together to talk with your mom on a conference call. If you would like to discuss any of these options further we are 24/7, confidential, and anonymous. You can give us a call at 1-800-786-2929. Best of luck.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    So I'm 14 and I have 2 siblings my brother 15 and my sister 20 but she's already is living with her boyfriend. Couple months earlier my mum left my dad and took me and started to rent apartment with her new boyfriend (my brother wanted to live with dad) so my mum lived together with her boyfriend about 3-4 months and then they broke up .(they were paying to together). I lived with my mum in apartment but it's pretty expensive so my grandpa is helping with money . We can't leave because we have that apartment contract for 9 month I guess but my grandpa said he will only help while the contract isn't over so when it will over we will have to move somewhere . So it's August now and all summer I lived with my grandma by the beach .( so I didn't know does my mum have somebody) I came back it was Friday she said she will be not home , i thought you know its friday she just wanna have some fun . So she told me she has boyfriend I thought she is staying at his place only at weekends but at Monday she called me and said she will again stay at his place (btw my mom works a lot) and always go to work even if she's ill she will go for couple hours. I called her and ask when she will be home she said actually all summer I living at my boyfriend place (now it's kinda end of august) she said you want your mummy to be happy and I wanna live with him till end of summer . I said okayyy but I wasn't happy . I'm saying to her that's not okay to live alone ( btw I always did everything by myself so it wasnt nothing terrible to live alone) but that's not okay leaving me at 14 i feel alone. When I say that I want her to live with me she's saying I'm already old enough and i have to be happy that I have opportunity to live in cool apartment by myself .We never spend a lot of time together she always working and now I dont even see her often, so remember she said she will live there till the end of summer know she says she will live there school year too but she will coming to me couple time a week (over night) so in 2 months the apartment contract will run out . And she said you can live with me and my boyfriend (btw he's living out of town and I can't say he has a big house for all of us. I said I don't wanna live with him so she said then I guess you will have to live with your grandparents (like my grandparents will always help me but they are the type of grandparents that call couple times a day and you have to be early and study math with my grandpa because he's professor or something) I don't wanna live with then neither because I feel I will not have my own space . I i will be really disappointed in my mum because my brother is living with my dad and she already kind left him and now me! I really don't know what to do I should I live with my mum and her boyfriend but sometimes I think what will happen if they broke up what will I do .i cant live with my dad either because I never was close with him and my sister is leaving with her boyfriend to study in other country. My grandparents aren't happy about my mum because they think that kids should be in first place. But my mum thinks that we are already old enough and she doesn't have to be always next to us I feel jeoules to other girls that are shopping together with there mums for example for food I then there's me walking alone in the shop wondering what should I get . I want to my mum be happy but I want also my mum next to. And about where should I live I feel a little bit lost I feel like I shouldn't be struggling with these kind of problems .

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  • ccsmod4
    replied
    Reply: Mom's New Boyfriend

    Hello,
    Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

    It sounds like you have had some unfortunate life experiences due to a break in the relationship with your mom and her non commitment to provide and be supportive of you.
    We understand that it has been frustrating for you to time and time again make transitions and adjustments. It does not seem fair that you have been put in this situation.

    Your strength through this ordeal has been courageous.
    However it sounds like with the recent move back to your mother has been a struggle emotionally for you. It sounds like you feel with the arguments and constant yelling your behavior has been out of character. You sound upset by it.
    Good for you for wanting to try and take control of those emotions.
    It can be difficult to keep things under control especially when you are trying to cope with what you described as a “toxic situation” for you.
    NRS is here to listen and here to help.

    If you would like to explore options that might help you regain some composure and focus towards a plan to help you cope with your situation contact NRS at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or www.1800Runaway.org (live chat).
    We hope expressing your feelings tonight has helped in some way.

    You did a tremendously good job.

    Take care,
    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Re: Mom's New Boyfriend

    My mom has had a boyfriend for about two years. Before that we were really close. I would say closer than most parents and their kids. My sister is 24 years older and she used to get jealous. When my mom first got her boyfriend, it was long distance. They knew each other in high school and started talking again. Even though he was not here, I already felt neglected a bit. She just was not emotionally available anymore; she was always on the phone with him, texting him even in inappropriate times, and if she was not talking to him, she was thinking about him. She never wanted to do things with me anymore and when I wanted to spend time with her she would tell me to go in a different room. Well after some time she needed a new job and went to Vegas with her boyfriend to find a nursing job there. I did not want to move because I was half way in my first freshman semester, in honors classes, and had a boyfriend. I stayed with my sister and learned a lot. My mom had my sister at 18 so she was a lot more immature raising her. She would repeatedly hit my sister and my grandma even called child services on her. My sister said that she wishes she was adopted and that my mom was neglectful and only cared about her boyfriends. The same thing I am going through now. In the three months I lived with my sister, my mom was never available. She would not send my sister child support on time and would never call. When I would ask her to do things over the phone with me - like order clothes, she would just say oh get ur sister to do it. It was like she just wanted my sister to take care of me and did not want to deal with me at all anymore. After 3 months, my sister decided she wanted no more communication with my mom, so I had to move in with my brother. The same things happened again. My brother and his girlfriend would get very frustrated that my mom was so uninvolved with everything in our lives and said it was ridiculous. Three months later my brother moved out of state, and my mom decided to come back into state and start a business here. I moved in with her and her b boyfriend. I did not want to at all, but I did not have much of a choice. When she was gone I did not miss her and it was even concerning to me and I felt bad for feeling that way. I had never been happier the six months I lived away from my mom. Now that we live together, she still tells me to stay in the other room, never spends time with me, is always mad at me about something and everything, and does not care about how I feel about the situation. When I tell her she says I am just spoiled and being attention seeking - the same thing she said about my sister when she was a child. I feel neglected and feel that my mom is different than the other moms. I am so good compared to the other kids in my grade, but I always end up in trouble more than them. I am grounded for something almost every other day. My boyfriend even said "it seems like she just grounds you so that she does not have to take you anywhere." I feel unloved and when I try to talk to her about it she tries to blame me. I just don’t want to live with her anymore. She brings out the worst in me. She never appreciates me and never agrees with anything I do. We just do not get along and we are constantly yelling at each other, and lately I have been getting aggressive and breaking things. This is not the person I want to be, and I know it is not right, but I feel that I am just in a very toxic situation and wish that I did not have to have my mom in my life at all anymore.

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  • ccsmod16
    replied
    Re: Mom's New Boyfriend

    Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re really happy you reached out to us. It sounds like there has been some really big changes to the relationship you have with your mother recently, and that these changes seem to be making your anxiety issues worse. It also seems like you have tried to talk to her about the fact that she’s never around anymore and she responds by getting angry with you. It’s very mature of you to want her to be happy but also want to spend time with her before college begins for you. It shows very good judgment that you also contacted your brother to discuss how you feel with him.

    You mentioned that you did attempt to run away once, but that your mom caught up to you and forced you back home. It sounds like you haven’t really communicated with her since that event. From your post, it doesn’t sound like your mom is making your home unsafe for you, but it does sound like you feel hurt because she has stopped talking to you like she used to before she began dating her boyfriend. It is totally understandable for you to feel hurt by this, and we’re sorry that you are going through that right now.

    Running away is a really big decision and it is important that you think about what it might mean if you try again. We aren’t legal experts, but you could actually get in trouble for running away in some states because you are only 17. If a police officer encounters you, she or he may bring you directly back home. Some other things to think about before running away are how you would be able to feed yourself, find shelter in case the weather gets bad, or even taking a shower. If you would like to try and stay with your brother for a while, you may want to consider talking with both him and your mother to come to some sort of mutual understanding about how long you would stay, whether she would need to give him some money for some of your expenses, and even when and how you would return to live with your mom. If you happen to just go to your brother’s home without telling your mom, it may get him in trouble.

    Again, it is so good that you reached out to us. We would really like to hear from you to talk more about your situation. Feel free to call us at 1-800-786-2929. We are here 24 hours a day and seven days a week so you can call us whenever or even chat with us using our chat service.

    Good luck,

    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I'm near the end of the line

    Hey, I need to vent about all this, it has been building for awhile and I need to get it out somehow.

    My mom is a single mother, raising 3 kids by herself pretty much as my dad only really visited on holidays, the marriage ended when I was very young. Since she has had to do things pretty much by herself she works a lot but despite that we had a good relationship, she used to take the time to at least listen.

    Now I'm older, just about to start college, and my mom tells me suddenly of each day that she's met someone. Throughout my entire life so far my mom has never dated, so it's completely new territory for me and at first it didn't really sink in. When I finally met the guy I had a breakdown. I held it in until he wasn't around and then just cried and couldn't control it anymore and my mom just watched and said nothing. She never brought it up or talked to me about/through it which is something she always used to do.

    Later on she keeps telling me that him and his friends and family are inviting me to go to breweries with them, which would just mean I would sit there doing nothing while they drank beer. They are all around their 50's and generally only talk about things I know nothing about as I'm only 17. I tell her I don't think I should as I'd be uncomfortable around that and might have another breakdown and she just kind of gets this annoyed look and says okay.

    After that she just kind of stops talking to me about anything. She goes to work and comes home for maybe an hour and then leaves almost every night, I later found out it was to go out with him. She kind of stops buying food for the house, only occasionally getting things, and I can't drive so I can't go out to get food/groceries. And when she does talk to me she acts like nothing has changed at all or just yells at me to do chores. The whole time it's felt as if she's hiding stuff from me and is cutting me out.

    A few nights ago, I went up to her room and I told her, "I would like it if you told me if you were going to go out cause sometimes I'd like to spend time with you so I'd just like some heads up". She immediately snapped at me and said, "FINE, I'll just tell you everything I do all the time and make sure I have your permission". I tried to tell her that's not how I meant it but she started going on a tangent of accusing of me of controlling her. I started to breakdown again and said, "okay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything". That didn't stop her. I have anxiety issues and I could feel myself really starting to crack so I shut her door, not slamming, and went to my room. I couldn't stop crying and was nearly having a panic attack.

    I called my brother who lives far away to try and help my panic as he's very good at calming me down but he wasn't at home and I needed to get away. I grabbed my bag and I left the house still trying to call my brother. I got almost out of my neighborhood when my mom came out of the house, she caught up to me and just grabbed my shoulders and walked me back into the house not letting me go for a single second and not saying a word. I'm was still crying and she just put me in my room and slammed my door shut and went back to her room.

    She has gone out again leaving me alone in the house every night since. And the morning after my escape attempt she sent me a text message that said, "Here, do I have your permission?". And then a list of everything she was doing that day to excessive and insulting detail.

    I want her to be happy, I really do and I wish I could just be fine with it, but it's the first time she has ever had a boyfriend and it's a bunch of unsure ground to walk on for me. And everytime I have tried to talk with her to tell her how I feel and to move past it she just tells me I shouldn't be upset over and over and over again. I'm apparently just in her way and don't deserve her time. I'm at the end of my rope and I don't want to be around this anymore as it's bringing me a lot of anxiety problems.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    replied
    Re: Mom's New Boyfriend

    First, thank you for reaching out to us. It takes a lot of strength to reach out and ask for help which you are doing. It sounds difficult watching your mom going out with her new boyfriend and that you may be feeling a little left out and lonely. It is completely understandable that you want to spend more time with your mom and it sounds like you really love your mom.
    You can possibly speak with your mom and let her know how you are feeling and that you would like to spend more time with her. You may also speak with friends or an adult you trust about your situation.
    Again, thank for reaching out to us and asking for help. It took a lot of strength and courage to reach out which you did. If you would like speak with us further, you may call our 24/7 confidential hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or you may reach out to us by chat daily in the evenings.

    Leave a comment:

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