I can't handle this anymore!

[bms1992]

I am close to turning 19. I have messed up a lot in my life. I got addicted to drugs and stole about 7000 dollars in cash from my parents. I now live in a totally different state with my aunt. Her daughter has a lot of mental problems. I try to just stay out of everybody's way. I don't have a job here so I try and keep the house clean as a payment for her letting me stay. The child runs the house. She beats on me like I am a rag doll (the child) and I can't hit her back because she is only 10. My aunt does nothing at all about it. I tell my mom about this; but she is stuck between a rock and a hard place. She loves me and wants to help; but then again I screwed up more then one time with her. She refuses to help me anymore until I can prove to her that I am well again. I came up here for my aunt to help me recover and to get my life straight; but its not helping. I get yelled at; I am her scapegoat for everything; she refuses to take me to look for a job; she complains about me not having a job; she says I don't clean up enough; then she says I need to stop cleaning HER house. I can't deal with this crazy bipolarness anymore. I have some where to stay back home; but I can't get the money to get there. Friends say they will come get me and such; but with no job; I can't get the money. I'm completely stuck here and I CAN NOT handle it anymore. I want to kill myself. I have even thought about walking 6 states over just so I can keep my sanity. PLEASE HELP ME!

[ccsmod0]

I can't handle this anymore!

Hello,
Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you are going through a very rough time and we are sorry to hear that. It seems like you have grown alot since your mistakes and that you want to make a better life for yourself. It can be difficult to know what your options are when in a situation like this but that is what we are here for.
From what you said it sounds like your mom still cares for you but she is scared because of the past. Do you feel that there may be any way to reconcile with her? What if the two of you made a family contract stating what she needs, expects, or will not allow and you do the same for her and then you sign it? Have you thought about talking with a third party to help you two figure out how to move past these issues? You can meet with a counselor or also use our conference calling. If you were to call here and this is what you wanted to do we would call out to your mom and put all three of us on to help you talk with her. We are not licensed mental health professionals but we are here to help mediate and we can talk about the issues and resolutions in hopes of your family reunification.
Another option would be a transitional living program or a TLP as we call it. This is a sort of long term shelter where you can stay for an extended period of time and they would help you get employed, look into school if you so wish, and basically learn to become independent in the hopes of eventually getting you out there on your own. If you were to call us here we could look into availability in your area.
We have alot of resources here that may be able to help you. One of these is the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They can talk with you about your suicidal feelings and help you work through whatever you are ready to work through, this is what they are there for and can be very helpful.
We really would like to help you in any way we can. If any of these options sounds of interest to you or if you would like to talk further and look into even more options please call us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are more than happy to help and are available 24/7. We are anonymous, confidential, and are toll-free so you can call us from any payphone if you need.
We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck.
Talk to you soon,
NRS