family...fed up

[rainie]

hi, im 17 yrs old, and have thought of running away a bunch of times. ive been depressed and feel left out ever since my mom left for her school in the (country not comfortable to state) which is very far away from where me, my stepdad, and 2 sisters live. me and my mom were never close because ever since i was little she left to work overseas so she can send money for me and my older sister when we used to live in (country). I dont even know anything about her except that she's my mom. my real dad left us ever since i was born. i have 3 sisters and we all have different fathers. she is traditional and when me or my sisters do anything wrong or wut she think is wrong, she would hit us. my stepfather who i am living right now with my sisters, has a bipolar emotion. ever since my mom left I became the mother of the family. I cook, clean, and take care of my sisters. they are 3 and 9 yrs old. I have to take them anywhere i go unless my dad has days off. i work in mcdonalds as part time. me and my mom havent talked for weeks now because of our argument on the phone where she called me a liar because she thought im helping my dad be unfaithful to her. and called me stupid when i didnt know the answer to the questions that she asks. everytime they fight, me and my 9 yr old sis would be dragged into it. they want a divorce but my dad cant do anything about it yet because he wants to keep me and my 9 yr old sisters. (the 3 yr old is his real daughter with my mom) everytime me and him argue, we yell at each other, and i only do that because he is unfair and wont listen to me and always believe what he hears from others. I'm a mature person and ive been told a couple of times. ive never done drugs, alcohol, or anything illegal. I always think before I act. Im an honoroll student. My mom does not care about what we do here because she has told me that she never believes any of us (my step dad and i) he's very affectionate and wants to be closer to me. but im not that lovey dovey person. Im VERY independennt. so the situation or what im plannin is running away during our trip to the states. were gonna have xmas wit my mom. but im no where close to want to seeing her again. i cant live in this house where every little thing i do will ground me and get me in trouble just cuz it's the smallest thing. im plannin on living with my boyfriend when i run away but at the same time i dont want him gettin in trouble. he is 25 and has a steady job in the military. i havent told him about me running away to him this xmas. but he knows everything aboutme and my family and has offered to support me and take care of me. i want to go to him so bad and just be happy but i know itll get him in so much trouble because of a kidnapping law that ive read about.my dad wants a divorce and even my mom. but they cant because its a long process. and me and my 9 yr old sis are in the middle. i just want to run away from it all. i cant take anymore. i know a lot of people have it worst. but its getting to the point where im gonna collapse. pls help.

[Unregistered]

re: family...fed up

Thank you for taking the time to contact us here at The National Runaway Switchboard. This all sounds like it's weighing on you very heavily and that it is very stressful for you. We are so sorry to hear all that you are going through. Leaving home before you are an adult can be difficult because like you said, you don't want anyone to get in trouble for taking care of you. It is possible that your boyfriend could get into trouble for having you there with him if you runaway. Because we are not legal experts we cannot say for sure what would happen only that it is normally called "harboring a runaway" and this can often times be considered a misdimeanor. We also will not be able to tell you what consequences he may face being in the military. You can however call the local police and ask them hypothetically what the regulations or laws they have are where you live.

It's very strong of you to be able to take care of your sisters like you do. That is alot of responsibility for someone your age and it sounds like it is stressing you out alot. Have you ever told anyone else how you are feeling? Sometimes parents may not realize how much they are putting on their children until it is brought up to their attention in a way they can recognize. Whether this be talking in person, over the phone, in a written letter or e-mail, or even perhaps through a counselor. Sometimes there are counselors available at school, or even locally if this is something you are considering.

Before you decide on leaving here are some things you can think about:
-What else can I do to improve my home situation before I leave?
-What would make me stay at home?
-How will I survive?
-Is running away safe?
-Who can I count on to help me?
-Am I being realistic?
-Have I given this enough thought?
-What are my other options?
-If I end up in trouble, who will I call?
-When I return home, what will happen?

We hope this can help you some. Because we do not know where you are (city/state wise) it can be difficult to provide you with any resources. If you can call us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY we would be more than happy to talk to you more specifically about what is going on and to go into more detail about your options and any resources we may be able to provide. We are 24/7, anonymous and confidential. Take care of yourself and good luck to you.
-NRS