i'm in fifth grade and i just don't think i belong in my family. i don't talk to any of my family because they all hate me & i hate them. nobody understand me. i get called emo and bipolar at school, and i get teased bcos i'm ugly. my dad abused my mom twice infront of me, once when i was 4 when i first met him & august of 2010 he pushed her down the stairs and i always have to go to court because he said he didn't go anything. i'll call myself .. bob. my mom doesn't care about anything i say. she will just sigh, roll her eyes, and be like "whatever bobbbbb i dont care." she yells at me for everything. i'll walk up to her and be like "mom," and she will be like "WHAAAT -.- " and i hate it. i cry every night and think about how basically none of my family wanted me to be born. my sister wished for me to never be born and my grandpa said he was embaressed when my mom was pregnant with me. my auntie told my mom to get an abortion, too. i feel like i don't fit in with my family because i had a big italian family that did like .. everything together and barely made mistakes but i do. i hhave cut myself before because i was mad. i always think about what would happen if i commit suicide & how everyone would be happy. i even made plans to run away this summer. i ran away three times. once when i was 4, once when i was 7, and once 10. all because my mom. know what my mom did? the first time when i was 4 she just yelled at me, 7 she smacked me, and 10 she called the police. why smack someone that runs away if thats the REASON they ran away like wtf. my mom yelled at me yesterday for starving myself but i only did because im 100 pounds and everyone else in my class is like 60 - 70 pounds. if i run away, i want to do it after i go to camp etc but i don't know where to go & my mom WILL call the police.